Pressing On

with THE WORD

A study of the Scriptures to discover who God is, what He is like, and how to partner with Him now.

Filtering by Category: 1 John

Filtering by Tag: Jesus

Help! I married my opposite.

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Much ado about prayer

I remember when I was in grade school, I was told by my Sunday School teacher that I shouldn’t end my prayer the way I was saying it.  She gently told me that what I was saying wasn’t exactly theologically accurate…now while I don’t remember verbatim what my first grade mind came up with, I do remember thinking that I didn’t want to say what everyone else said at the end of a prayer.  I wanted to say something different, my own way of signing off or saying “see you later” to God.  She said that it would just be better for me to say “In Jesus’ name, Amen”.

Truthfully, she may have been correct that what I was saying was inaccurate…but to this day, I’ve often wondered what’s the “right way” for us to pray?  Later in my childhood, I was told by another adult that prayer was simply “talking to God”, but that statement still leaves me feeling unsettled. 

When my boys were young, they specifically asked me “Dad, what’s the right way to pray?  How do I do it?”  Not wanting to burden their young minds with the doubt and questions I had as a child, I reiterated what was told to me…Don’t worry about it, son.  You’re just talking to God, that’s all.  No formulas, no requirements.  Just tell God what’s on your mind…your worries, your hopes, anything that’s going on.  God can handle it.

However, as I’ve grown and matured…both in life and in my relationship with God…I still have the same lingering questions rattling around the back of my mind.  Is there a “right way” to pray?  Is it really “just talking to God”?  Am I doing this right?

It’s a good exercise to face the questions within us.  It’s also good to talk with other Christians about these things.  But when we have questions about our relationship with God, it’s even better to see what God has to say about it.

A survey of the Scriptures shows that prayer is everywhere.  Seems almost every person we encounter, from all walks of life, prays at some point.  From Job to Paul, David to Peter, Moses to Jabez, and Jonah to John it seems that everyone is either praying or talking about praying.  There are scores of example prayers to look at, and we could spend some time looking at the situations each of those prayers came from.  There would be plenty of benefit to looking through other believers’ examples in the Bible; however, I’m going to narrow the focus a little more in the hopes of answering my own lingering questions.

C.S. Lewis said that God’s aim is that “Every Christian is to become a little Christ”, and the Apostle John had this to say when he wrote about the health of our relationship with Christ:

1 John 2:6 the one who says he remains in [relationship with] Him should walk just as He walked

If these accurately describe God’s purpose toward those who have accepted Christ as Savior, then when it comes to prayer…I want to know how Jesus prayed.  Not only “how”, but also “when” and “why”.  If becoming like Christ is the goal, then he should be the first one we look to as our example.  Jesus’ own disciples also recognized this:

Luke 11:1 [Jesus] was praying in a certain place, and when He finished, one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John also taught his disciples.”

The disciples wanted to be like their teacher, so they naturally wanted to pray like him too.  We’re going to take a close look at what Jesus taught his disciples, as well as Jesus’ own prayer life – when did he pray and what did he pray?

As of this writing, I don’t know the answers to all of these questions…so we’re going to walk down this path and learn together.  Perhaps our best starting point is to have the same request the first disciples had

Lord, teach us to pray.

Keep Pressing,
Ken