Our Best Life, Step 5: Discipline

Previously (link), we found this working definition of a person’s “Best Life”:

             A long, fulfilling life characterized by health and well-being.

We also discovered that God has given us a clearly-defined path to a life that meets this description.  King Solomon addressed this in the proverbs he wrote for his sons.  These wisdom sayings would lead his children to the “Best Life” they desired, but only if the steps were applied:

Proverbs 3:1-2
My son, don’t forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commands;
for they will bring you many days, a full life, and well-being.

King Solomon’s Best Life teaching involves both Do’s and Don’ts…sometimes within the same teaching, in order to provide contrast.  His first step involved our reputation (link).  His second step looked at how we can make sure our lives are heading in the right direction (link).  His third step was about our health and healing (link).  His fourth step discussed how to properly handle having an abundance (link).  King Solomon’s fifth and final step to our Best Life is something we have a love/hate relationship with: discipline.

If we’re honest, we’ll all agree that we love the results of discipline, but we don’t necessarily like receiving discipline.

No one who is at the “top of their game” – whether that “game” is business, sports, relationships, money, or anything else – is there by accident.  You can have tons of talent, even more talent than anyone ever born…but if you’re not disciplined in how you use and develop that talent, you will never reach your Best Life full potential.

But here’s the real kicker, probably the thing that bugs us most about discipline – you can have self-discipline, and that’s super-beneficial, but if you don’t have an outside authority to coach, correct, shape, and even rebuke or punish you…then you’ll have a ceiling that you can’t break through on your own.

The top athletes all recognize the need for a personal trainer.  The best CEOs bring in coaching consultants.  When our relationships breakdown with our spouse or our kids, we find a counselor.  Having a financial planner is key to winning long-term with money.  Could each of these people go at it alone?  Sure, they could.  But they wouldn’t be their best.  Their progress would slow to the level of their own education and experience.

Think about it – Every one of these “successes” pays their hard-earned money and chooses to submit to another person’s authority, because they believe that person can help them reach their full potential.  They are willing to be guided and disciplined by an outside authority so they can become a bigger success than they ever could have achieved on their own.

The question for us as believers is “Do we view God the same way?  Do we trust His guidance and discipline, or do we avoid His correction because we’d rather do it our way?”

However, if we’re going to live our Best Life, if we’re going to reach our full potential…King Solomon tells us not only Who to turn to, but what His motivation is toward us:

Proverbs 3:11-12
Do not despise the Lord’s instruction, my son, and do not loathe His discipline;
for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom He delights.

God doesn’t just discipline us because He sees potential in us, His motivation comes from His love for us.  The parallel King Solomon cites is a powerful one – a good father lovingly provides instruction and discipline so that his son will become the fully-realized man that he could be.  God’s approach is the same with us.  God loves and delights in us, and as such, He disciplines us for our own good.

Our Best Life doesn’t happen by accident…it’s not something we’re going to just fall into or someone else is going to provide for us.  Achieving our Best Life truly is a partnership with God…and that means we’re signing up for His discipline.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Impromptu concerts and bitter substitutes

I came across an interesting series of videos on YouTube recently.  A young guy with a guitar walks up to random strangers – typically young women – who are sitting in public and asks what their favorite song is.  Whatever they say, he plays and sings it for them.  He’s an above-average-looking guy, but his singing talent is very good.  The premise of his videos is the same every time, but I’ve found the people’s reactions to be quite fascinating.

First off, the people are always grateful for the impromptu mini-concert.  Obviously, they were not expecting to be serenaded by a random stranger with one of their favorite songs.  When he’s done playing, he gets up and wishes them a good rest of their day.  He doesn’t ask for anything or make any romantic advances.  Many tell him “thanks, you too” and that’s the end.  However, many of the young women are so shocked by his performance that you can watch them swoon over him as he plays and sings.  They stop whatever they’re doing and either begin to subconsciously adjust their outfit or start fiddling with their hair.

Now, whenever he serenades a couple, their reaction isn’t so much toward him as it is toward each other.  The song becomes a catalyst that brings them together, instead of drawing them in closer to the singer.  You can tell that their relationship buckets have been filled by each other – there is no room for anyone else.  The flip-side, though, with the young women who become instantly infatuated with this crooner would indicate that their relationship bucket is running near empty – and the sudden appearance of a talented guy who sings a part of a song for them makes them want more.  Many ask him for his Snap, phone number, or even if he’s available for coffee right then.  They don’t know anything about him or if he’s a quality person, but they are drawn away by the attention he’s unexpectedly given them.

And I don’t make these observations as a knock on these women, either.  I have known guys who are so starved for positive attention, that if a girl so much as smiles at them, they suddenly believe they have found “the one.”  Being in a relationship deficit can make any of us vulnerable to unexpected situations and cause us to overestimate the “good” of a person or situation.

A couple of days ago, I came across this proverb and instantly thought of these videos:

Proverbs 27:7
A person who is full tramples on a honeycomb,
but to a hungry person, any bitter thing is sweet.

The singer may be a great guy, but to the girl who is fulfilled in her relationship, she has no room for him, regardless of how talented he is.  However, to those who are relationally starved, they instantly craved more of his attention – even though they didn’t know if his companionship would be bitter or sweet.

From here, I couldn’t help but think about my relationship with God.  When He and I spend time together, I am so full relationally at a deep-soul-level that when distractions or temptations come my way, I am not swayed.  However, if I have been neglecting to spend time with Him – reading the Scriptures to find out about Him, praying to Him about what’s on my heart and asking to be shown what’s on His, and spending time in community with other believers – if I am not pursuing Him, then I am easily swayed and taken away by time wasters, twisted emotions, and self-centered thoughts.

When I find my “why” and purpose in the one who designed those things in me, I am too full of Him to be distracted by anything else.  God pursues relationship with us because that’s what He made us for – we are at our designed best when we are in full, intimate relationship with Him.  So, please take a practical step to engage with Him today.  Our best defense against a life of bitter substitutes isn’t to work harder to avoid them, but to be so full in our relationship with God that any substitute won’t satisfy.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

A sharpened life (part 2)

Last time, we looked at a commonly known verse that led us to some new insights about ourselves and our relationships:

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron,
and one person sharpens another.

Within the context of Proverbs, the sharpening that Solomon refers to is to become wise, to become skilled at life in a manner that is pleasing to God.  However, we can also learn a few things about becoming wise by thinking about the physical process of sharpening:

First, sharpening cannot be done with just one piece of iron.  Similarly, growing wise does not happen when a believer is flying solo, either.  We need other believers in our lives to sharpen us.

The Hebrew word for another means neighbor, friend, companion, or associate.  Read the proverb again, but slowly, and think about what it says with that definition:

Iron sharpens iron,
and one person sharpens their neighbor.
and one person sharpens their friend.
and one person sharpens their companion.
and one person sharpens their associate.

Each of these imply a relationship between two people, a stranger does not have the same sharpening effect on an individual’s life.  We know that is true from our own experience.  A godly friend who speaks regularly into our lives has a greater impact than a stranger who gives me a piece of his mind, or a speaker heard once at a conference, or even a pastor that preaches to me for 25 minutes every week.

The sharpening impact comes out of the relationship with another.

Secondly, sharpening isn’t a painless process.  There are sparks involved.  Whenever damaged or dulled sections of a blade are sharpened, iron is being forcefully removed or reshaped in order to make a useful, sharp edge.

Similarly, the sharpening process between two people isn’t always easy.  If I’m not willing to hear their encouragement to make the wise choice, or if I don’t want to accept their challenge of my thoughts and attitude – then sparks are going to fly between us. 

Another parallel to note is that when the sharpening process happens, the piece doing the sharpening is working with – and not against – the piece being sharpened.  It’s important for us to work with each other instead of trying to completely remake the person we’re partnering with. 

Do you have someone in your life that you have given verbal permission to sharpen you?  In order to apply Solomon’s wisdom, we must give someone permission to speak into our life AND we must be willing to work with them.

Are we willing to undergo the sharpening process?  That can be a hard question to wrestle with, especially since we know our major dull areas that need sharpening.  If you are hesitant (even a little), pray that God gives you the correct attitude.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I've apologized, so now what?

I messed up at work this past week.  I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker.  You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward.  While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well). 

No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place.  So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager.  While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did.  I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting.  We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day.  In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call.  They, too, have accepted my apology.

While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while.  How will the next meeting I lead be conducted?  If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived?  It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.

I’ve apologized, so now what?

A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast.  I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84.  Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:

Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.

My application was, and is, obvious.  Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me.  Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past.  To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.

Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself.  I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  Instead, I had forgotten who I am.  James warned us about this:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are.  In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ!  It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.

Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe.  As a member of the family, my identity is with Him.  I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.

Because that is who I truly am.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

How to deal with conflict

Ever get the urge to just “knock some sense” into someone?

Or at the very least, give them a verbal beat down that will “set them right” – and maybe let us blow off a little steam?

Take Paul’s protégé Timothy as an example.

He’s in a major metropolitan city he didn’t grow up in, he’s (at most) 30 years old, he’s in charge of the entire Christian church family in the city, and Paul has charged him with combating false doctrine and incorrect teachings of others.

How much conflict is going to come his way?  How many folks will be coming at him to argue with him?  Think he’ll have days where he feels the need to put someone in their place?

The Greek word for rebuke means just that – to strike or beat upon, to chastise with words.  I’m sure there were more than a few people (even some of them believers) who would have needed a strong dose of correction.

But look at how Paul says the young leader Timothy should handle those people:

1 Timothy 5:1-2
Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.

While a rebuke would be a sharp, cutting word of correction, Timothy’s choice to exhort the person sits at the opposite end of the spectrum.  The Greek word translated exhort means to call to one’s side, to encourage and strengthen by consolation, comfort, or instruction.

Paul knew his Old Testament well.  As he directed Timothy, he likely had this proverb in mind:

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

In a separate letter, Paul reminded the believers in Rome:

Romans 2:4
Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Going toe-to-toe with an angry patron would make it difficult for Timothy to reach them with lasting correction and change.  Nor would harsh words model how God treats us.

One last observation to make.  Did you see the extra note Paul included for Timothy’s interaction with younger women?  With all propriety, [exhort] younger women as sisters.  We’ve all seen it too many times.  A high-ranking church leader losing his reputation, his job, and his influence for Christ due to an inappropriate relationship with another woman. 

Men, hear me clearly – if we do not keep ourselves intentionally pure and sinless in this area, especially with younger women, then we are inviting destruction into our lives.  Carelessness in this area will bring shame to ourselves and significant damage to God’s reputation in this life…and then we’ll have to answer to Jesus at the Bema Seat judgment.  You don’t want that.  I don’t want that.  We must take any steps necessary to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.

So, here’s Paul direction to Timothy, all fleshed out:

Do not rebuke and older man, but exhort him as a father
Do not rebuke a younger man, but exhort him as a brother
Do not rebuke an older woman, but exhort her as a mother
Do not rebuke a younger woman, but – with all integrity – exhort her as a sister.

Put these into practice, and you will reflect God to others.

Keep Pressing,
Ken