I've apologized, so now what?

I messed up at work this past week.  I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker.  You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward.  While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well). 

No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place.  So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager.  While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did.  I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting.  We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day.  In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call.  They, too, have accepted my apology.

While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while.  How will the next meeting I lead be conducted?  If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived?  It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.

I’ve apologized, so now what?

A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast.  I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84.  Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:

Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.

My application was, and is, obvious.  Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me.  Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past.  To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.

Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself.  I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  Instead, I had forgotten who I am.  James warned us about this:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are.  In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ!  It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.

Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe.  As a member of the family, my identity is with Him.  I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.

Because that is who I truly am.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Paper towels and mixed messages

There’s plenty of guilt to go around these days, even when it comes to what I should be using to wipe off my kitchen counters.  Within the last week, I’ve watched a TV advertisement that claimed in order to protect my family from germs, viruses, and food-born illnesses, I need to buy their paper towels.  The convenient single-use paper towel, they claimed, was superior to cleaning with a dishrag that was previously used and now sitting in my sink.  The commercial went on to warn me how a multi-use dishrag was a festering breeding ground for all sorts of nasty bugs, and it also contained bits of food and grease from whatever it was I cleaned up last time I wiped down the counters.  You wouldn’t wipe off the door of your microwave with a slice of pizza would you?  Then, obviously, any responsible adult who desires to protect their family would buy these paper towels.

And then today, when I was flipping through an online list of “Top money wasting purchases when cleaning your home”, what did I come across?  But, of course: paper towels.  This story said a roll of paper towels was too easy for a family to use up quickly and inefficiently.  They did the math, and if you used 2 rolls a week at $1/roll, then that’s over $100 for the year!  And, of course, you should feel guilty for the strain you’re putting on the environment.  Paper towels are tough to recycle, so you’re just filling up your community’s landfill by using them.  Instead, they suggested, I should buy some cheap, reusable microfiber towels.

So, no matter my choice, I am either a poor excuse for a family man or someone who hates the environment.  Talk about getting mixed messages!  You could tie yourself up in knots trying to figure out what is “the best” way to wipe down your kitchen.

We’ve been looking for a new church home, and we recently attended a church on a friend’s recommendation.  To be honest, after over a year of online services from various churches, it was refreshing to be a part of a group worshipping God.  The pastor was an engaging speaker who quoted a lot of Scripture.  His current series centered around the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 4:22-23).  He was spending one week discussing each fruit listed by Paul.  The week we attended, the topic was faithfulness.

While most of his talk was spot-on, there was one part when my ears perked up.  He made a statement to the effect that “We Christians have erroneously combined the ideas of faith and belief.  When in fact, they are two different things.”  And I thought, “Right on. They are different. I’m interested in what he has to say next.”  He then continued to say that believing something isn’t enough, that God expects us to put action to our beliefs and that’s called faith, and that’s what a Christian does.  After repeating a few more times that believing wasn’t enough, he cited a commonly misquoted passage:

James 2:17-19
In the same way faith, if it doesn’t have works, is dead by itself.

But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.  Show me your faith without works, and I will show you faith by my works.  You believe that God is one.  Good!  Even the demons believe – and they shudder.”

“See?” the pastor said, “The demons believe and that’s not enough.  We have to have faithfulness and put action to our faith.”

I winced.  It’s a common misquote, but it’s still a misquote.  To find out what James meant by faith without works is dead, click here to read last week’s post.  The pastor finished his preaching and then another lady came on stage to wrap up and dismiss everyone.  What really worried me was something she said next.  She invited anyone who wasn’t a Christian to join God’s family, and all you had to do was “believe and follow Jesus”. 

If I was a non-Christian or someone who was not used to church-lingo, I would have been very confused.  The pastor just said multiple times that “belief” wasn’t enough, that I also needed some kind of actionable faith.  But then she said all I had to do was “believe and follow”, without giving any explanation as to what that meant, especially in relation to what the pastor said.  Talk about mixed messages!

Our word choices matter, and we have to take into consideration the audience we are speaking to.  I spoke with the lady afterwards and although I knew what they were trying to say, I warned her that between the two of them, there was the potential for a lot of confusion.  We talked through everything and came to a basic understanding.  There would have been a lot less confusion if either of them had clearly stated that the preacher’s message was directed towards those who already believed in Jesus for eternal life, and her invitation was for those who have not yet been convinced of Jesus’ offer.  Here’s a rundown of what else we discussed:

·       What the demons “believe” in James 2 isn’t belief in Jesus for eternal life.  Eternal life isn’t offered to fallen angels, so in context, what the demon “believes” is that there is only one God.
·       Believing in Jesus for eternal life is how a person is “saved” and joins God’s family.  There are no other conditions.  (John 11:25-27; Acts 16:31; Eph 2:8-9; 1 Tim 1:16)
·       All believers are called by God to act out our faith. See the James 2 passage the preacher quoted.
·       Choosing to “follow Jesus” is often our first action based on our new faith in Jesus, but it is not a requirement for salvation.

One last thing to note – a clarification, if you will.  In preparing for this post, I have changed my mind on the idea that belief and faith are two different things.  In Greek, they are different versions of the same word, with the only difference between them is that belief is a verb (pisteuo) and faith is a noun (pistis).  As such, if you say that either you believe in Jesus for eternal life or you have faith in Jesus for eternal life, you are saying the same thing.

I hope that clears things up.  I wouldn’t want to give you any mixed messages.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Don't be a Jedi

I was recently watching a cartoon Star Wars episode where two sisters were describing a major event in their lives that involved the Jedi.  The Jedi were chasing a runaway fugitive, and during the chase, the fugitive damaged a ship to help his escape.  One of the Jedi used the force to redirect the ship away from the gathering of people it was about to crash down on, as you often see Jedi characters do.  When you initially saw this scene, it appeared that the Jedi had saved many people.  And while they did save the crowd of people, as the sisters continued, we found out the rest of the story.  The new crash location of the damaged ship ended up being their family’s home.  The crash killed the sisters’ parents – leaving them orphans.  After the battle, the Jedi approached the sisters and told them “I’m sorry, I had to make a choice.  But don’t worry, the force will be with you.”  And then the Jedi left, never to return.  After going through an unexpected tragedy and then being left completely alone by everyone responsible, you can imagine what the sisters thought of Jedi…

I know, I know…it’s just a cartoon.  But I was immediately struck with the thought, “How often do us Christians say something like that, and then leave people to themselves?” 

Or, more specifically, How often do we say things like that to other Christians?

When you believe in Jesus for eternal life, you are immediately adopted into God’s family.  Regardless of your biological family background, you now have a Heavenly Father who loves you perfectly.  He looks out for you and knows what is best for you.  In addition, you suddenly have more brothers and sisters then you ever thought possible…but biological age often doesn’t match a person’s spiritual maturity.  Depending on your age when you believe in Jesus, don’t be surprised if you find Christians who are physically older than you, but still acting like spiritual babies.  It is also possible to have a spiritual mother or father that is physically younger than you.

I point out these differences within God’s family so we have a little context to what we’re about to read from the book of James.  Often misunderstood as a letter describing the actions of a “true Christian”, it is, in fact, a letter pointing out what a mature Christian does in contrast to an immature Christian.  Although it is a letter from Jesus’ younger brother to the early church of believers, its structure and feel is much like the wisdom literature of the Old Testament.  James heavily focuses on practical application in a believer’s life.

James wants his readers to intentionally live out their faith in Jesus.  He desires to see them treat each other the way that Jesus treats us.  At about the halfway point of the letter, he says this:

James 2:15-16
If a brother or sister is without clothes and lacks daily food and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, stay warm, and be well fed,” but you don’t give them what the body needs, what good is it?

In situations like this – from a practical standpoint – our words are useless.  Did your brother’s need change?  Do you still have the ability to help your sister?

Before James asked this question, just a few paragraphs back, he was scolding his readers about favoring the rich believers over the poor believers.  He exhorted them to follow the royal law: Love your neighbor as yourself.  Next, he poses the above question as a practical application of his teaching.  However, with the following verse, he cuts deep and to the point.  For those who only say niceties, to those who could do much more than only offer “thoughts and prayers” to their fellow believer in need, James says:

James 2:17
In the same way faith, if it doesn’t have works, is dead by itself.

Ouch. 

But the truth can be painful sometimes.  When we encounter painful truth, don’t ignore it…instead, we need to learn from it.

Some have taught that “faith without works is dead” means that person wasn’t a “true Christian” to begin with.  However, acting immaturely doesn’t mean you aren’t saved from eternal condemnation.  What it does mean is that you’re a lousy sibling to a brother or sister in need.  Throughout his letter, James constantly refers to his readers as believers and family.  He’s not saying that their immature behavior means they’re not really family.  “Dead” in this passage does not equal “corpse”.  Based on the context, we find that James is emphasizing the usefulness or profitability of faith in action.  So instead of a “dead body” assumption, try this analogy:

We love our cars.  We love the freedom they give us to travel quickly, accomplish tasks, help others, or to just enjoy a drive.  However, without fuel, that car is useless.  For all intents and purposes, it’s dead.  Without fuel, it’s still a car…but it cannot fulfill its designed purpose.  However, if you add gas back to the car, it becomes “alive” again.

Similarly, our faith – in order to be useful and profitable – needs to have action.  Just like the car needs gas.  And that’s what James is really getting at here:

If you see a brother or sister in need of help and you have the capacity to help them, don’t just say Christian-sounding words that do not change their situation.  Buy them groceries.  Lend them your car.  Cut their grass.  Buy them coffee and listen to their story.  Mentor their kids.  Hire them.  Use your connections to others who can help them in ways you can’t. 

Don’t be like the Jedi from the cartoon I watched – don’t give a nice little platitude about “God will be with you” and then walk away.  These are fellow members of God’s family.  So let’s act like family and help each other.

You’ll be amazed at what God does when your faith is alive through our actions.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Meeting God in prayer

Luke 10:41-42
The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has made the right choice [to spend time with Jesus], and it will not be taken away from her.”

The right choice.  The better meal.  We’ve been looking at how Jesus’ response to Martha gives us direction on how we are encouraged and fueled to live out the life Jesus has given us.  Last time, we saw how God wants to meet us through our time in the Scriptures.  This time, we’re looking at the other way that God meets us – through prayer.

To pray for things we want – material items or particular circumstances – that comes rather easy.  We know all the things we want or wish for because we spend a lot of time thinking about them.

When James was writing to believers, he warns them about their “wants” and the motives behind them:

James 4:1-5
What is the source of wars and fights among you?  Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you?  You desire and do not have.  You murder and covet and cannot obtain.  You fight and wage war.  You do not have because you do not ask.  You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

You adulterous people!  Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?  So whoever wants to be the friend of the world becomes the enemy of God.  Or do you think it’s without reason that the Scripture says: The spirit He made to dwell in us envies intensely?

God is jealous for our attention.  Think about it: He has saved us from being eternally separated from Him and He gives us never-ending, eternal life…so of course He is offended when our main interaction with Him is treating Him like a cosmic vending machine so we can get stuff to impress others with how great we are.

Fortunately for his readers (and us), immediately after James gives that harsh, well-deserved rebuke, he then gives hope and a proverb to remedy their mindset:

James 4:6-7, 10
But He gives greater grace.  Therefore He says:

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Therefore, submit to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you…Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

Not only does God have grace for us to receive forgiveness of sins and eternal life, but there is also grace for when we selfishly return to a sinful mindset!  We have access to this grace when we humble ourselves before the Lord.  And how do we do that?  Through prayer that is God-focused, not us-focused!

I’m sure your next question will be “How do I pray to God, about God?  Isn’t that a little weird?”

What I can tell you is that God-focused prayers is exactly how Jesus spent His time with God the Father.  If we don’t feel like we know “how to” pray well enough, then I refer you to the blog series I wrote on learning how to pray as Jesus prayed.  Those posts started on November 5th, 2014 and ended on April 8th, 2015. 

But there is a simpler, more direct way to learn to pray like Jesus did.  All we need to do is ask, like one of the disciples did:

Luke 11:1
He was praying in a certain place, and when He finished, one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray”

In the verses that follow, Jesus gave His disciples a pattern, an example of how He prayed to God the Father.  It’s worth our time to check it out and practice using that format in our prayers – all with aim of making the right choice and building our relationship with God.

Keep Pressing,
Ken