Conditional goals

What is our goal as parents?  We spend 18ish years feeding, clothing, nursing, caring, teaching, testing, training, guiding, and living with our children.  While the “goal for today” may look different from last year’s “goal for today”, there is also a long-term target that we are trying to make sure they hit.

We don’t often verbalize what that “active-parenting-is-done-end-game” goal looks like.  Truthfully, the busyness of the moment makes it easy to forget that we’re aiming toward anything other than survival.  However, if we were to list out what we desire for our kids to be like when they finally become adults, it would probably look something like this:

I want them to be healthy, active members of society.  I want them to love God and others, and to be growing in both of those areas.  I hope they have a “good” career that uses their talents.  I really want them to be happy with their life/spouse/family/etc.

These are all good dreams for us to have for our children.  But it’s not very often that these ideas are forefront in our minds, especially as they get older.  I have to wonder, though, if we don’t think about this goal as much, not because of the busyness – but because we’re worried they may not be 100% ready when the time comes. 

No matter how well we parent, no matter how pure our love is, and no matter how spot-on our advice is – our kids’ lives could still be derailed by their own choices.  Lots of things in this world are ready to be distractions or disruptions: unhealthy relationships, various addictions, rejection of God, rejection of family, wasting of talents, etc.  But those are the reason WHY we parent them.  We give them guidance, love, direction, opportunities, and education so they CAN reach their full potential.

It’s no wonder we do these things – since God does the same with each of us.  Once we have been born again, we become part of God’s family, and He has a plan to mature each one of us.  He has an incredible end-goal in mind for what our full potential looks like.  Paul pointed this out in his letter to the believers at Colossae.  Look for God’s goal for them, but also be on the lookout for what will help them reach that goal:

Colossians 1:21-23
And you were once alienated and hostile in mind because of your evil actions.  But now He has reconciled you by His physical body through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him – if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith, and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard.

God the Father has reconciled you…to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him.  That goal is a HUGE change from where I’m currently at.  But looking back on my life, I can see that I’m closer now than I was when I became a Christian.  God’s been patiently working on me, and I trust that He will continue to do so, all the while aiming for His goal in my life.

But we both know that I’m susceptible to distractions and disruptions.  I can be my own worst enemy.  I could derail God’s plan to mature me if I rebel and disregard His leading and direction in my life.  That kind of behavior wouldn’t mean that I’m not part of the family – instead it would mean that God would have to address my rebellion before getting back to developing my maturity.

That’s why Paul says that God’s goal for believers – to be shown as holy, faultless, and blameless before Him – is conditional.  Some of us won’t make it to full maturity.  That’s why Paul prays that the believers may walk worthy of the Lord (1:10).  That’s why Paul says his goal is that we may present everyone mature in Christ (1:28).  These things may happen…they may not.  Throughout the rest of the letter, Paul warns the Colossians about other distractions and how to keep step with God and His aim for us.

However, Paul’s best advice comes in verse 23.  We will be able to reach full maturity if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith, and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard.

Our starting point is also our anchor.  The hope of the gospel – Jesus coming to earth to save us when we couldn’t save ourselves – is what grounds us.  Just as we trust God for salvation, we must also trust Him for our maturity.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Passing down diamonds

There’s been a big change in our family this year: our younger son proposed to his girlfriend – and she said YES!  She’s a wonderful girl, and we’re thrilled for the both of them.

Our son worked hard to make sure the ring he offered was just right.  He had several conversations with the jeweler about the layout, shape, stone size, etc. as they constructed the ring.  The final design incorporated a main diamond with two smaller diamonds, one on each side.  The ring is quite pretty, and it looks good on her.

What’s special for my wife is that the two smaller diamonds came from a ring that she owns, but rarely wore any more.  The ring was a gift from her father.  He gave it to her when she was a teenager.  She’s delighted to have contributed to the new ring, being able to pass down a gift like that, now to a third generation.

This got me thinking about what else we have passed down to the next generation as our son and his bride-to-be begin to plan a wedding and rest of their lives together.  What we pass on, especially to our children, has always been an important topic to God.  You see this theme repeatedly throughout Scripture.  Here are just a few examples:

Moses speaking to the Israelites:

Deuteronomy 6:6-7
These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.  Repeat them to your children.  Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

A psalm written by Asaph:

Psalm 78:1-4
My people, hear my instruction; listen to the words from my mouth.
I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past –
things we have heard and known and that our ancestors have passed down to us.
We will not hide them from their children, but will tell a future generation
the praiseworthy acts of the LORD, His might, and the wonderous works He has performed.

A psalm written by David:

Psalm 145:4
One generation will declare Your works to the next and will proclaim Your mighty acts.

Paul writing to his protégé, Timothy:

2 Timothy 2:1-2
You, therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, commit to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.

It’s mind-blowing to think that the Creator of the Universe has given us the responsibility of sharing His reputation to the generations that come after us.  Out of all the mechanisms He could have used…He chooses to work in and through broken, flawed humans to tell other broken, flawed humans that there is more to life than being stuck as broken and flawed.

So, if we take an honest look at what we are saying and how we are living…what are we passing down to the next generation?  Is it something valuable, like diamonds?  Or is it something that just looks shiny but has no real worth?

We all have something about God we can share.  Don’t beat yourself up if you feel that what you have to offer isn’t the biggest diamond…because all the diamonds in the setting work together to make something beautiful.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I’ve had it all backwards

Navigating an empty nest isn’t a new challenge in society, but it is still a relatively new challenge in our household.  With one son fully on his own and the other son in his last year of college, our “family” has shrunk to just me, my wife, and our dog. 

Not too long ago, I read that men tend to function at their highest levels of productivity when they are faced with “twenty-year challenges”.  The author argued that having a clearly-defined, long-term goal is a great way for men to focus and stay motivated.  These types of goals can be career-oriented, like starting/building an industry-leading business or achieving a C-suite promotion; or exercise goals, like completing 10 Ironman triathlons; or personal goals, like writing 3 NYT Best Sellers or learning to fluently speak 5 new languages.  These types of goals could also be financial, personal, or even relational…the point was for the guy to make them BIG, set a course, and then achieve it.

If the twenty-year challenge was completed in less than 20 years, that is a good thing.  But the author also suggested that once a goal has been met, a new twenty-year challenge should take its place.

There are many benefits to approaching life this way: clear direction in life, intentional actions, and learning to put off short-term gratification in order to reach a long-term better reward.  Most of all, twenty-year challenges help a man avoid spinning his wheels and merely dabbling around.

After reading the article, I realized that (although I had never referred to it as such), I had treated the raising and launching of our two boys like a “twenty-year challenge”.  Our goal has always been to teach them how to get along without us…because, let’s be honest…unless Jesus returns before we die, they will have to know how to live life on their own.  Seeing that this “twenty-year challenge” was coming to a close, I took the article’s advice and began to ponder what my next “twenty-year challenge” was going to be.

The problem was…nothing immediately came to mind.  Not that I didn’t see options, but I wasn’t sure which one to give the priority to.  So, I spent time thinking about it.  I spent time praying about it.  I spent time talking with my wife, my family, and my close friends about it.  But no “one thing” has risen to the surface for me to say, “Ah-hah!  That’s the next BIG thing for me.”

Then, a little while back, I was reading Proverbs while eating breakfast, and this gem captured my thoughts:

Proverbs 16:3
Commit your activities to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

I wanted to make sure I understood what I was reading, so I looked up the definition of a couple words:

activities = deeds, work, labor, pursuit
plans = plan, purpose

Immediately, I recognized the short-term vs. the long-term in this verse.  The activities I do are the short-term actions, and the plans are the long-term goals.  I also realized that I had been thinking about the empty-nest situation completely backwards.  As I had been pondering the next “twenty-year challenge”, I had been neglecting to give my day-to-day actions the emphasis this proverb requires.

Essentially, I was asking God to drop a new “twenty-year challenge” in my lap, but I wasn’t in the habit of making sure my daily pursuits were committed to the Lord.  But…why should I expect God to give me something BIG to work on, if I’m negligent in giving Him the small things?

This realization cut me deep and has shifted my perspective.  Intentionally committing my daily activities to the Lord isn’t something that comes naturally.  I mean, sure, generally speaking – I want to do life God’s way and live a life that He can be proud of me.  But these are the questions I’m now asking myself:

How can I commit what I eat for breakfast to the Lord?
How can I commit this next work call to the Lord?
How can I commit doing my household chores to the Lord?
How can I commit my down time – what I read, what I watch – to the Lord?

Do you see how challenging this application can be?  Since I read this proverb, I’ve endeavored to be better at it, trusting that as I rightly handle my day-to-day well, that God will establish the long-term plans He has for me.  As of this writing, I don’t know what my next “twenty-year challenge” is yet, but I’m going to take God at His word in this proverb.

How about you?  How would you apply Proverbs 16:3?

If you have any tips or suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken