How to avoid mistakes

I am my own worst critic. 

I hate my mistakes.  I hate my mess ups.  I especially despise making them in front of other people. 

Even when I was a kid, I hated to practice my saxophone or acting script with others in the house…because I didn’t want anyone hearing the number of times I’d mess it up before finally figuring out the melody or how I wanted to say a memorized line. 

As a teen, I figured out how to stay in my lane with things that worked for me.  Doing so only allowed people to see my successes.  Combine that with avoiding the things you’re bad at, and suddenly everyone assumes that you’re good at everything.

As I became an adult, I didn’t get any better.  But when you become a husband and a father…there’s no hiding your mistakes anymore.  Because of the proximity of day-to-day living, my flaws were glaringly obvious to my wife and – despite my best efforts – they were also mirrored back to me by my young sons.

There were many options available for how I was going to deal with my inability to maintain a “perfect-looking” façade – I could use denial, I could use anger to deflect attention from my mistakes, I could double-down and work harder at not messing up, or I could avoid discussing them altogether.  None of these options are mutually exclusive either…I could mix and match to whatever situation I found myself in.

Fortunately, a better help came along.

His name was Joe.

Joe took me, a 25 year old husband/father/know-it-all, and mentored me.  He taught me how to study the Bible, how to read the meaning out of the text instead of putting my own thinking into the text.  He taught me how to teach.  He loved me.  He invested in me.  Through his efforts, “Old Joe” (as he often called himself) put his arm around my shoulders, telling me “This is how we do this.  This is how a Christian man lives for God, with eternity in mind.” 

He was very good at referencing the book of Proverbs, which focuses on wisdom, being skilled at living before God.  I’ll give you some examples of how he quoted them and also lived them out:

First example:

I’d see him at least every Sunday at church, and we’d be in touch frequently during the week.  We’d talk about work, family upbringing, frustrations, raising kids, loving a wife who struggles with bi-polar disorder, everything…including making mistakes.

Joe always told me: “I’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to me, you won’t have to make them, too.”  He was right…listening to him helped me either avoid messing up on something I wasn’t prepared for, or his advice was able to help me deal with my faults and move forward in a healthy, Godly manner.

Proverbs 19:20
Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.

Second example:

Most of the time I was happy to see him, but there were occasions where I dreaded speaking with him – because I knew I was struggling and I knew he was going to call me out.  I have to admit that his corrections were always kindly delivered, but I just didn’t always want to talk about my struggles.  I even avoided him a few Sundays…and when I eventually came back around, he was still there for me.

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Third example:

He mentored me from my mid-twenties to my mid-thirties, but “Old Joe” was at the other end of the spectrum.  He didn’t have to share the lessons he’d learned over the years, but he wanted to invest in the next generation of disciples.  He had lived for God for many decades.  As such, he was skilled in wisdom and right-living…but it wasn’t something that he kept to himself.

Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a glorious crown; it is found in the ways of righteousness.

It’s been many years since I last saw him.  Due to health reasons, he and his wife had to move closer to family.  “Old Joe” went to heaven at the end of 2017, but his impact still echoes on this side of eternity.  You can read more about his influence on my life here.

I don’t have a full head of grey hair yet, but there’s more with each passing year.  I’m thankful for the years that God has allowed me to serve Him, and that He continues to teach me the ways of righteousness and right-living. 

A few weeks back, I even used Joe’s quote.  During a group discussion after church, I pointed to a friend of mine who is close to my age, turned to a young couple, and said: We’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to us, you won’t have to make them, too. 

I hope they applied what we talked about.  I hope they’re able to avoid or manage mistakes better because of our example, and the example that was set for me by Joe.

I urge you to do the same.  If you’re wearing a crown of grey hair, then please invest in the young ones.  And if you’re a young one, find an older believer to help you walk with wisdom…and learn early how to avoid mistakes.

Keep Pressing
Ken

Our response to a broken world

There is no denying that we live in a broken world.  It feels like everywhere we turn, there are stories of war, pain, suffering, sickness, mental illnesses, physical injuries, natural disasters, and the list could go on and on.  In addition to our own daily experience, we know that there are other painful situations that we are vaguely aware of but have no direct connection with those situations.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed when we consider the sheer volume of pain in the world.  We can feel completely overpowered and paralyzed with our inability to fix it all.   To avoid the overwhelmed feelings, our path of least resistance is to “stay in our lane” and avoid anyone else’s pain.  We tend to compartmentalize the pain we know of and avoid the other pains we don’t want to know about.  Since we can’t mentally process all the world’s pain and suffering, we rationalize our efforts to avoid any pain in our own lives. 

“I’ll handle mine and God can handle the rest.”

But is that really our best response? 

Solomon addressed this topic when writing his portion of the book of Proverbs.  But before we look at what he wrote, we need to remember a few interpretive ground-rules:

·       The book of Proverbs was written before Jesus came to earth.  Before the cross.  Before the mystery of the church was revealed (Ephesians 1-2).  As such, we cannot expect this passage to be about how to obtain eternal life and avoid eternal death.

·       Proverbs are wisdom sayings that illuminate something that is proverbially true.  These are probabilities that are focused on skilled living on earth.

·       The law of sowing and reaping is prevalent throughout the book of Proverbs.  Sow bad deeds and receive punishment; or sow good deeds, and then reap rewards.  Essentially, “you reap what you sow”.

With that context, let’s see what Solomon had to say about our response to our broken world:

Proverbs 24:10
If you do nothing in a difficult time, your strength is limited.

There are many ways that we can be strong – strong physically, strong mentally, strong financially, strong skills, etc.  However, no matter what our God-given strengths are, if we do nothing in a difficult time, our strengths have little to no impact.  In hard times, not stepping in with our strength has the same outcome as if we didn’t have these strengths and abilities.

So what should we do instead?

Proverbs 24:11
Rescue those being taken off to death,
and save those stumbling toward slaughter.

Solomon isn’t talking about helping someone who is willfully throwing their life away.  He’s saying watch for those being taken off and carried away or those who are unknowingly stumbling toward a terrible outcome.  The homeless child, the teen with only social media role models, the immigrant who doesn’t understand our country’s culture and various social customs – these are examples of the people Solomon says we should watch for, with the aim to rescue them from unforeseen trouble.

Most of the time, we’re afraid to step into the uncertainty and uncomfortableness of these kinds of situations.  It’s so much easier to turn a blind eye – if we don’t make the effort, then we won’t know what’s really happening…and if we don’t know what’s really happening, then we can’t be held responsible for not doing anything…right?

Solomon disagrees:

Proverbs 24:12
If you say, “But we didn’t know about this,”
won’t He who weighs hearts consider it?
Won’t He who protects your life know?
Won’t He repay a person according to his work?

Since God weighs hearts (see 1 Samuel 16:7), He knows our true intentions as well as what amount of good we’re capable of doing if we put in the effort.  God is the one who protects your life and gives you your strength.  Can we honestly ask God for blessings if we’re unwilling to use what we already have to help protect the vulnerable?

I know that we can’t relieve all the world’s pain and suffering, but that’s not an excuse to avoid getting involved somewhere at some level.  What kind of impact would we have if we leveraged our strengths to rescue those who have no hope?  What would our actions tell the world about our God?  Use the strength you have to help where you can:

Are you financially strong?  Then give generously to organizations that rescue the vulnerable.
Are you physically strong?  Then help those who cannot help themselves.
Are you emotionally strong?  Then be a compassionate outlet to the lonely.
Are you mentally strong?  Then teach skills to those who can’t afford a tutor.

Times are difficult now.  If we do nothing, then our strength is limited and God’s gifts to us are wasted. 

However, if we sow using our God-given strengths, we can trust God will use our efforts and He will repay our work. 

We would be wise to weigh our own hearts in these matters – because God will be doing the same.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Taking out the trash

Recently, I saw a thought-provoking Facebook post shared by a friend:

When you throw the trash out, do you go outside later and check how it’s doing? No?
So stop talking to your ex.

Of course, for this to be true, the caveat is that there are no kids from that relationship.  But haven’t we all seen this behavior when a relationship ends poorly?  I knew a guy who struggled like that.  He was on-again-off-again with a girl and even when his friends were telling him to stay away, he’d reply telling us, “I know, but I can’t help but go back.”

In his mind, he was stuck.  He had hitched his wagon to this girl and was going to go wherever she would lead him – no matter how much pain, fighting, grief, and stress would come.  He may not have used this exact wording, but he really was enslaved to her.  He had done it to himself, and he saw no way out.

There is a proverb that goes along perfectly with his situation:

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit,
so also a fool repeats his foolishness

It’s easy to identify this cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior in others.  When you see them go back – yet again – it just boggles the mind.  As soon as a dog throws up, it immediately starts to lick up the vomit.  Similarly, without even thinking about it, a fool jumps right back into his foolishness.  And when that fool is your friend or a family member…you can feel pretty helpless.

If you are fortunate enough to have a good romantic relationship, it can be easy to get a little snooty about those who struggle in this manner.  But the truth is, Christians struggle with this same behavior…not always in an amorous sense, but the same self-destructive-enslaved behavior is often closer than we care to admit.  Ever “slip back into an old habit”?  Ever have a tough day and seek comfort in an old vice?  Ever get caught off-guard or become so embarrassed that you flame-spray whomever bumped you?  Ever get mad enough to threaten violence?

Paul addressed this struggle when he wrote to the believers in Rome.  Although he wrote to a group of people who were already saved and part of the local house churches, Paul took them through the entire scope of a believer’s experience: The failings of humanity (Romans 1:18-3:20), how one becomes right with God (Romans 3:21-5:11), and how to live the victorious Christian life (Romans 5:12-8:39).

It’s in the third section that Paul discusses how we can deal with the conflict inside us – between our new nature and our old nature, the Spirit of God in us vs. our physical fleshly bodies.  The first part to defeating the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior involves our mindset:

Romans 6:6-11
For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be rendered powerless so that we may no longer be enslaved to sin, since a person who has died is freed from sin.  Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him, because we know that Christ, having been raised from the dead, will not die again.  Death no longer rules over Him.

For the death He died, He died to sin once for all time; but the life He lives, He lives to God.  So, you too consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

When we believe in Jesus for eternal life, we are identified with Jesus and declared righteous before God.  As a result, Jesus is now our example.  Since we are identified with the once for all time death He died, Paul tells us to shift our thinking about our cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior.  He says to consider yourselves dead to sin.  Those old feelings, thoughts, habits, and vices have all been taken out with the trash.  Don’t go back out and check on them.  Instead consider yourselves…alive to God in Christ Jesus.

But practically speaking, our minds aren’t the only battle ground for this struggle.  Sometimes, we still want to be the way we were before.  It felt good (in the moment) and our body craves going back.  That’s why the second part to defeating the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior involves how we use our physical body:

Romans 6:12-13
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, so that you obey its desires.  And do not offer any parts of it to sin as weapons for unrighteousness.  But as those who are alive from the dead, offer yourselves to God, and all the parts of yourselves to God as weapons for righteousness.

Once we see ourselves clearly, it’s time to flip the script on how we use our bodies.  I don’t think Paul is being metaphorical here with this “body talk”.  Wherever you struggle, make that a point of emphasis to good things instead:

Has your tongue been used for gossip?  Now purposely be encouraging.
Have your hands been violent?  Find ways to help others. 
Were you sexually promiscuous?  Offer your body only to your spouse. 
Have your feet taken you to places that make you stumble?  Go to places that build you up.

Changing your mindset is not easy.  Physically doing these things is not easy, either.  It takes practice and sacrifice.  However, these changes do not go unnoticed by God.  Later on, Paul adds this:

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Renewing our minds and offering our bodies for good is pleasing to God.  And don’t miss what God gives in return – the ability to recognize the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

The good news is you don’t have to live trapped inside the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior.  Jesus is our example for the way out.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I hate the Happy Birthday song

Is there anything more deflating at a birthday party than the actual singing of the Happy Birthday song? 

I don’t remember the last time I heard someone actually sing the song and sing it well.  Most of the time, “Happy Birthday” is performed as a group, completely off-key, with all the enthusiasm of a funeral dirge.  Go ahead and add your cha-cha-cha’s or silly second verse…but you won’t catch me singing along. 

But Ken…it’s TRADITION!
Well, sure…but that doesn’t mean it’s a GOOD tradition.

Before you call me too much of a party-pooper, here’s something that really takes the cake (…yes, pun intended): according to the CDC, singing “Happy Birthday” can be good for you.  Not because the song itself has any healthy, healing powers – but because the CDC wants you to wash your hands properly.

The CDC says you need to wash your hands with warm soapy water for at least 20 seconds.  Don’t want to count to 20?  Their suggestion is to sing “Happy Birthday”.  Twice.

For me, that’s just not going to happen.  I can barely tolerate the tune in its proper context, but to sing that song – TWICE – every time I wash my hands?  Nope, not happening.  Not a chance.

But if we’re going to make sure our hands are properly washed, we’ll need to come up with something better.  Here are a couple of suggestions:

Because I grew up in church, I’ve had multiple kids church songs burned into my brain.  One particular song was 1 John 4:7-8 set to music.  It takes about 25 seconds for me to sing through.  Now, I happened to learn it using the King James translation, so this is how it goes:

Beloved, let us love one another (love one another)
for love is of God, and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love (God is love)
Beloved, let us love one another. 1 John 4:7-8

Pretty good 25 second reminder that God is love, He loves us, and because of that, we should love each other.  If I remind myself of this every time I wash my hands, that’s several mental resets I’ve suddenly placed into my day – before I put my contacts in, when I use the restroom before my next meeting, when I wash my hands before a meal…when I sing this tune, God can use each one of those transition moments to reframe my thinking.

Don’t know a verse set to music?  No problem – just recite verses that you know.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
(repeat 3x to get the full 20 seconds)

John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but will have eternal life.  For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that so the world may be saved through Him.
(repeat 2x to get the full 20 seconds)

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not give up.  Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.  For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.  So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(repeat 1x to get the full 20 seconds)

Maybe you don’t know these verses from memory in order to say them while you wash your hands.  No worries!  Just recite what you can, and do it several times.  Trust me, a few days of you washing your hands and you’ll be surprised at how many verses you suddenly have memorized!

Lastly, feel free to take 20 seconds and talk to God.  Use your handwashing as a reminder of when you believed in Jesus for eternal life, He washed you clean from the eternal penalty of your sin (John 3:16).  Remember that as a child of God, He forgives us and cleans us from all wrong-doing when we confess our sins to Him (1 John 1:7, 9).  Ask Him to help you speak kindly during your next meeting.  Thank Him for available soap and running water.

There are many ways to fill 20 seconds of hand washing that are infinitely better than singing a tune that few people actually like.  It all depends on what you choose to fill the time with.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Dealing with gossips and trash-talkers

A couple of years ago, I engaged in what I would call “short-term mentoring” with a young man who was fresh out of college and just starting out in his career field.  We’d meet for coffee or food a couple of times, primarily so we could work through what he was experiencing as a Christian making the shift from the education world to the business world.  For some topics, he knew the right next steps – but just needed to talk through them out loud or bounce his ideas off of someone else.  For other topics, when he felt stumped, I would share my advice and experience.

One particular struggle was with a coworker who routinely bad-mouthed their other co-workers.  Can you believe so-and-so did that?  Watch out for them, they’ll serve you up to the boss in a heartbeat.  And that guy over there – laziest jerk in the company.  In my experience, there is always at least one person like this in any corporate setting, and sometimes this kind of behavior is throughout entire departments. 

But my friend felt stuck.  He was the new guy and because of their roles in the company, he worked with this individual all the time.  There was no “escaping” or “avoiding” the frequent negative attitude and gossip.  He didn’t want to talk trash on his other co-workers (that he just met and barely knew)…but he didn’t feel like he could look at this person and bluntly say “Thou shalt not gossip.”  He didn’t want to sour the relationship with someone he was required to work with, but he also didn’t want the other co-workers to think that he was gossiping and talking trash about them.

While the Bible does talk about the dangers and difficulties of gossip, most of the time it simply acknowledges that it exists and warns of the trouble it causes.  You won’t find direction on how to stop others from doing it.  It seems that God is much more concerned with what you do with gossip instead of deputizing you to become the gossip police.

Solomon addressed gossipy situations many times in his collection of Proverbs, for example:

Proverbs 11:12
Whoever shows contempt for his neighbor lacks sense,
but a person with understanding keeps silent.

Proverbs 20:19
The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip;
avoid someone with a big mouth.

Proverbs 26:20
Without wood, fire goes out;
without a gossip, conflict dies down.

These proverbs give us three good options when we’re faced with someone who wants to spread rumors or talk trash: keep quiet, avoid the person, or don’t participate.

When I was talking through my friend’s situation at work, we agreed that the first two were not really options for him…since the person was someone he had to regularly work with.  So my advice focused on the last proverb’s point – that when his co-worker came to him with rumors or would bad-mouth their other co-workers, he did not have to accept the invitation to participate.  A couple of examples:

Hey, did you hear about so-and-so?  They got in trouble with the boss today…
I heard something happened, but I wasn’t involved.  If I need to be, I’m sure they’ll let me know.

Watch out, that lady will always stab you in the back.
I’ll keep that in mind, but that hasn’t been my experience with her.  Maybe she was having a bad day.

That guy is the laziest jerk in the department.  He never gets his reports done on time and his work is always sloppy.
Are you sure?  The last time I worked with him on a project, it went fine.

The main thing about these responses is that they do not pile on to what the gossiper was saying.  Maybe there is some truth to what they are complaining about, but “always” and “never” are rarely accurate labels.  It does no good to add fuel to the fire, and when we choose to not participate, conflict dies down.

The last point I made to my friend was that if he was able to consistently avoid gossip participation – if he politely refuted “always/never” or changed the subject to a relevant work matter – then eventually the person will stop bringing the gossip to him.  He’s no fun if he won’t gossip, too.  His consistency will be noticed by his other co-workers, as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Help! I married my opposite.

At one point, I was very interested in personality traits and tendencies.  I read up on different personality assessments and took a number of assessment quizzes.  The results of one particular Myers-Briggs assessment included pairing of your personality type with others, so that you would know what type of person would be your “best friend”, “marriage material”, or “likely competition”.  Curious, I convinced my wife to take the test.

Three of her four traits were opposite mine…and I couldn’t find our pairing in any of their categories.  Not friend, not foe, not hiking buddy, not marriage partner, not even preferred acquaintance.  Finally, after bouncing around multiple pages on their website, I found their one-word description of a relationship between my set of four traits and her set of four traits: novelty.

According to the personality typing, she thinks I’m oddly intriguing.  I see her the same way.  “Opposites attract” – it’s a culturally accepted norm that all of us have plenty of experience with.  We certainly came from different families, and we’ve had our share of differences to work through over the years.  When you boil it all down…she’s an artist and I’m a nerd…and a prime example of our differences is in how we express and receive love. 

If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages (Gift Giving, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch), you’ll probably empathize with what I’m about to say.  My love language is not the same as my wife’s love language…in fact, hers is probably my lowest ranking choice and mine is probably her lowest ranking choice.

I think I’m quite simple to love…after all, as an Acts of Service lover, just do something for me and I feel loved by you.  A clean home, laundry done, and dinner on the table makes me the happiest person on the planet.  Whereas my wife desires Physical Touch – hand held lovingly, hugs, cuddles, closeness.  Problem is…I’m not a touchy-feely person.  If you initiate a hug, I’ll reciprocate, but don’t expect me to go seeking one out.  On the flip-side, my wife’s clue that dishes are today’s priority is when we’ve run out of cups or skillets.

So we run into the constant problem: if I’m not reaching for her hand, giving hugs, etc. then she’s even less inclined to do something for me.  And if she’s not helping me out, I’m even less inclined to initiate loving contact with her.  It’s a vicious cycle, really.  It doesn’t start spiraling down out of spite or meanness…just the normal everyday busyness pulls us away from actively thinking about how the other person receives love.  When we’re distracted, we default to acting out in the way we want love to look like…I keep busy doing things around the house “for her” and she reaches for my hand “for him”…and those actions are easily misinterpreted. 

So, the question is…Who gives in first?  Who makes the first “loving move”?

When writing to the church in Ephesus, Paul spent the first two-thirds of the letter describing the relationship between Jesus and the church.  This relationship was previously a mystery (Ephesians 3:3-4), there is unity (4:4-6), there is diversity of gifts (4:11-13), and it results in a new way of living (4:17-5:21).  Paul wraps up his main discussion by giving the highest earthly example of the relationship between Jesus and the church – marriage. 

Ephesians 5:21-22, 25
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

To answer our question, it would be easy to quote the above verses and say “See!  We both should swallow our pride and selfishness.  We need to think of the other person first.”  And I understand that sentiment.  I see the verses above.  Who should make the first move?  Whichever of us is more mature and humble in the moment.

However…I can’t help but notice two things.

1.       When I read the entire marriage section in Paul’s letter (5:22-33), he talks a lot more about how us men need to love our wives than he does about wives loving their husbands.  Paul places the burden on us to love our wife just as much as we love and care for ourselves.

2.       If I look at the timeline of when the church loved Jesus vs when Jesus loved the church – I find that Jesus loved first.  And if I’m to love my wife just as Christ loved the church…again, Paul is placing the first-step responsibility on me.

Then, I am reminded of other verses like these:

1 John 4:19
We love because He first loved us.

Romans 5:8
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us before we could do anything to deserve it.  He loved us when we thought ourselves unlovable.  He continues to love us, even when we are unlovely. 

So, fellas…I have to break it to you: we are the ones who should move first and show our wife the love she needs in the way she needs it.  Even if you don’t understand why she likes the kind of love communication that she does.  Get her a little gift, run the vacuum, block out your schedule to do something with her, compliment her, or – as I need to do – take her hand and give her a hug without being asked to.

It’s not wrong if she beats you to the punch and speaks your love language first – just speak hers back.  Opposites do attract, but they stay together only when we’re intentional with how we show our love.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I've apologized, so now what?

I messed up at work this past week.  I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker.  You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward.  While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well). 

No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place.  So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager.  While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did.  I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting.  We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day.  In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call.  They, too, have accepted my apology.

While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while.  How will the next meeting I lead be conducted?  If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived?  It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.

I’ve apologized, so now what?

A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast.  I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84.  Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:

Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.

My application was, and is, obvious.  Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me.  Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past.  To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.

Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself.  I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  Instead, I had forgotten who I am.  James warned us about this:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are.  In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ!  It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.

Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe.  As a member of the family, my identity is with Him.  I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.

Because that is who I truly am.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Fought over by two women

Only once have I ever been fought over by two women.  Well, “girls” would be more accurate.  Towards the end of my fourth or fifth grade year, a large group of us were at a friend’s house for a party.  For the start of one particular game, everyone had to make a big circle.  As I looked for a place to stand, the unthinkable happened – a girl that I knew, who I really liked said, “Hey Ken, come stand by me.”  Before I could process her invite, another girl who was on the other side of the circle and, unbeknownst to me, really liked me said, “No Ken, come stand by me.”

My young mind was spinning, because no girl had ever expressed interest in me before – and now there were two calling at the same time!  What happened next was as if the three of us were in a bad Nickelodeon tween show: each girl grabbed an arm, like I was the tug-of-war rope.  They see-sawed me back-and-forth for about 10 seconds, each insisting that I stand by them.  When they stopped, all eyes were on me to choose which one I was going to stand next to.  Ultimately, I chose the girl I believed was more attractive.

In the introduction to his collection of wisdom sayings, Solomon warned his son of a similar situation.  In his illustration, Solomon personifies Wisdom and Folly as two women calling out for his son’s attention.  What’s interesting is that both women use the exact same opening offer:

Proverbs 9:4-6
“Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!”
To the one who lacks sense, [Wisdom] says, “Come, eat my bread, and drink the wine I have mixed.  Leave inexperience behind, and you will live; pursue the way of understanding.”

Proverbs 9:16-17
“Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!”
To the one who lacks sense, [Folly] says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten secretly is tasty!”

Which one will Solomon’s son choose?  Both offer relationship, sustenance, and experience to those who answer their call.  In the moment, he can choose either Wisdom or Folly – and since their initial offers don’t differ very much, he may make the wrong choice.  Fortunately, Solomon provides some additional detail about these women, so his son can understand who is calling out for his attention, and where a relationship with either of them will end up:

Proverbs 9:10-11
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
For by me [Wisdom] your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

But for those who choose to dine at Folly’s house, there is a plot twist waiting for them:

Proverbs 9:18
But he doesn’t know that the departed spirits are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol [the grave].

This illustration closes out Solomon’s introduction to his proverbs, and his point is clear – Wisdom will extend your physical life, whereas Folly will shorten your days.  After looking at the offers made by Wisdom and Folly, it should come as no surprise that Solomon then chose the following as his first two proverbial sayings:

Proverbs 10:1-2
Solomon’s proverbs:
A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son, heartache to his mother.
Ill-gotten gains do not profit anyone, but righteousness rescues from death.

When both Wisdom and Folly call out, when they fight each other for the son’s attention, Solomon’s son may feel like he’s the tug-of-war rope between his two options.  Ultimately, however, he is going to choose the one he believes is more attractive.

Hopefully, he listens to Solomon’s advice.  Also hopefully, so do we.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I don't know what to read next

One morning, a guy got up early, made coffee, and sat down to read his Bible.  The problem was that he didn’t know where to start.  After a few moments of staring at the unopened book sitting on his kitchen table, he still didn’t know what to do.  So he prayed, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing here.  Please give me direction on what I should read and what I should do today.”

Not knowing where to turn, he decided to randomly open to a page and point at a verse.  He hoped God would guide him.  Not wanting to end up in the Old Testament, he veered towards the right side of his Bible.  He landed on Matthew 27:5, Then he went and hanged himself.  “That’s…weird,” he muttered. “God, I’m looking for guidance here…” So he flipped a few pages forward and stopped at Luke 10:37, Then Jesus told him, “Go and do the same.”  Feeling a bit unnerved, he sought safety in the book of John.  Quickly turning there, he stopped at John 13:27, So Jesus told him, “What you’re doing, do quickly.”

I joke, I joke.

Randomly opening our Bibles, hoping God will direct our flipping around so we land on a piece of wisdom is never a good idea.  However, wondering what part of the Bible to read next is a very common concern for Christians who choose to spend time and effort seeking God.  There are lots of blog posts, study guides, and other plans out there.  Which one to choose?

You could treat the Bible like one big book and read it cover to cover.  In fact, many people do that – only to get bogged down in Exodus and then quitting at some chapter in Leviticus.  Read-the-Bible-in-a-year plans also take this approach.  You’ll end up reading 3 or 4 chapters a day, every day.  I have finished a yearly plan like this once.  It certainly had its benefits – knowing exactly how much to read, seeing some familiar New Testament references in Old Testament passages that I don’t routinely read – but you have to be aware of the drawbacks, too.  The challenges with this approach is that you’re mainly reading for information and not life change; also your daily chunk of chapters could easily become an anxiety-driven checkbox for your day.  All in all, I’m glad that I completed a full read of the Bible, because getting a 30,000 ft view of Scripture was great – but I do not have any plans to do it again.

Over the years of reading/studying/teaching the Bible, I have found that the slower approach is better.  Take the text in smaller pieces…think about it, pray about it, and then take what you learn into your daily life.  To help with that, I offer 3 suggestions:

·       Proverbs – Whatever day of month it is, read that chapter of Proverbs.  This is my go-to if I’m not sure what to read next or if I just want to read the Bible while I eat breakfast.  Chapters in Proverbs are easy to drop in anywhere and not lose any context.  Read through each proverb and look for truths you have experienced, perspectives you might not have considered, or situations you can trust God with.  It’s ok to linger on a proverb and just think through it.  Since this blog is posted on the 15th, when I turn to that chapter, I’m immediately challenged with the first verse:

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away anger,
but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

 We can easily see the truth in this statement, but let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?  Allow yourself the time to think through questions like:

Why do I immediately recognize this to be true? 
How do I respond to gentle answers? 
How do I respond to harsh words?
Which one am I more likely to give at work? to my spouse? to my kids? to strangers?
Where in my life can God help me to be intentional about giving others a gentle answer?

I’m sure you could follow this train of thought with a few more questions of your own.  Just one verse…and a lot of good applications that can come from it.  These are easily found when you look at the Proverbs chapter that match the day of the month.

·       Psalms – Where the Proverbs are steady, logical life-principles, the Psalms are dripping with emotion and relationship.  The shortest one is just 2 verses (Psalm 117) and the longest is 176 verses (Psalm 119).  There are 150 Psalms, so you could easily read one Psalm per day and have a five month plan laid out for you (maybe spread out Psalm 119 over a few days).  What you’ll find is a lot of raw emotion, especially in David’s psalms.  He wasn’t afraid to tell God exactly how he felt, for better or worse, and in vivid detail.  Don’t get caught up in any graphic details or cultural references you may not understand…instead look for the theme of each psalm and think about why the Israelites would have sung these lines to God.  You might be surprised to find out that ancient people and modern people aren’t all that different in their struggles, concerns, and aspirations.

·       John – The book of John is THE place to start when reading the Bible.  John’s gospel is the only book explicitly written to non-believers to explain who Jesus is, the purpose and result of His mission, and – most importantly – how to obtain eternal life from Him.  The apostle admits that he could have written about any number of scenes in Jesus’ life, but the specific ones that he selected were to convince his readers that Jesus is the Son of God and that by simply believing in Him, anyone can have eternal life.  John gives no additional conditions or requirements.  In this gospel, you’ll find that in order to obtain eternal life, you don’t have to confess all your sins, believe certain facts in a certain order, promise to live better, repent, or make a commitment to follow Jesus – while all those are good things, they are not pre-conditions of eternal salvation.  The only requirement for eternal salvation is that you believe in Jesus for it.  Don’t believe me?  John’s gospel has 21 chapters – read one per day for the next three weeks, and ask God to show you exactly what He requires.

The main thing is that we continually get into our Bibles.  There are too many things that clamor for our attention every day, and this is the book that God has crafted over the centuries in an effort to reveal Himself to us.  Don’t get hung up on what to read next…just take the next step and don’t be afraid to take your time.  It’s more important that you grow in your relationship with God than checking the box on a reading plan each day. 

The focus isn’t on how many times you’ve been though the Bible…instead, how many times has the Bible been through you?

Keep Pressing,
Ken

For my son - The snooze button is a liar

My youngest son has officially finished high school and is getting ready to embark on the next phase of his life.  As I am nostalgically thinking of that time in my own life, I am also thinking of the things God has taught me since then.

This is the first post in a three-part series where I am remembering lessons I have learned later in life that I would love for my son know now...

I chose this post because, as an adult, he is now fully responsible for his choices in life.  The successes and failures of his time management will be his alone.  While there’s not a specifically required time of day to spend with God, first thing in the morning is often the best…provided we do not give in to repeatedly hitting the snooze button.

The snooze button is a liar
Originally posted on December 13, 2018 

A blaring alarm clock is not the thing you want to hear first thing in the morning.  The alarm tone is purposely loud and obnoxious so we are awakened from our slumber to start the day at the right time.  Even though we’re the ones who picked the time for the alarm, we still resent that the alarm is interrupting our sleep.

We’ve got a ton of things to do, and a schedule to keep if we want to do them well.  Yet, sitting deceptively close to the “Alarm Off” button is another button.  It is usually several times larger than the one to stop the alarm – the Snooze Button.

When the alarm is blaring, the main thing I care about is hitting the button to make it stop…but this other button makes an enticing offer: I could lay my groggy head back down on the pillow for an additional 9 minutes.  The Snooze Button invites me to give up “just a tiny fraction” of my morning so I can get that much more rest before starting my day.  I let it convince me that I will feel better and more active, if I could just get a few more minutes of sleep.

But let’s be honest: I rarely hit the Snooze Button only once.  And when I do eventually get up, the morning is super-rushed because I’m now pressed for time.  I barely have time to shower, dress, grab my work bag, and stuff some food in my face before running out the door, all of which could have been easily managed had I not pressed the Snooze Button.

But I’ve noticed two things – First, I am NOT more rested when I take the Snooze Button’s offer of additional sleep, broken up into 9 minute chunks.  If anything, I feel more tired and frazzled at the start of my day.  Secondly, whenever I “sleep in” the first item on my to-do list that gets dropped is my time reading God’s Word.

All throughout the Bible we see examples of God wanting to spend time with us, but what we also see is that God expects us to put in some effort and desire to be with Him.  Look at the three “IFs” Solomon gives his son, and what result will come if he actually follows through:

Proverbs 2:1-5
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
listening closely to wisdom and directing your heart to understanding;
furthermore, if you call out to insight and lift your voice to understanding,
if you seek it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.

Why do we need to spend time in the Bible?  Paul reminded Timothy of the Scripture’s usefulness and effect on his life:

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

One last example.  Peter is reminding his readers of their main source of food for spiritual growth:

1 Peter 2:2
Like newborn infants, desire the pure milk of the word, so that you may grow up into your salvation

There are numerous other references and examples I could give, but I think you get the point.  God wants to meet with us, but we need to intentionally set aside time to do so.  Perhaps you need to take the small step I need to take: stop hitting the Snooze Button.  That button lies to us – we don’t get what it promises.  We end up starting our day rushed and feeling bad, while missing out on something much, much better.

Are you skeptical that God couldn’t use 9 minutes with Him to make a difference in your life?  I dare you to try it this next week and find out.

Keep Pressing,
Ken