The unfairness of it all

Have you ever been wronged so badly, that you were stuck in a negative situation?
Have the actions of others caused you to be separated from those you love?
Have you ever felt like the legal system is stacked against you?

Injustice can hit us from many different angles.  Often times, there isn’t an easy solution to the situation, either.  Since we live in a fallen world, we can’t completely stop injustice from ever happening.  It’s all too easy to snap-react out of self-protection and the elevated emotions of the moment.  Instead of getting caught up and swayed by our circumstances, let’s think about how we’re going to handle unfair situations.  Looking to how others managed their situations can help us manage our own.

The Apostle Paul knew what it was like to suffer injustice.  He was railroaded out of Judah for preaching about Jesus.  After appealing his case to Caesar, he was transported to Rome – and left under house arrest for 2 years!

Think about Paul’s situation.  He had a specific calling from God to preach the gospel to the non-Jewish world.  He preaches for years in Antioch, with great success.  He takes three mission trips, traveling all over the Mediterranean, making converts, starting churches, writing letters that became Scripture, creating disciples, mentoring, teaching, and on and on.  Yes, he faced dangers and threats on his life – but he was able to move from community to community and share Jesus with anyone who would listen.

But now, he’s stuck.  He can’t leave.  People could come to him, but if one of his mentees or planted churches needed him…he can’t go to them.  He can’t face their opposition with them.  His spiritual children will not have their spiritual father by their side.

How would you feel in this situation?
What would you do?
How would you bide your time until your court date arrives?

It would have been easy for Paul to get lost in the helplessness of the situation, sulk, and withdraw.  Or he could have chosen to rant and vent about the unfairness of it all.  I could easily imagine myself fluctuating back and forth, between those extremes.  But what did Paul do?

He started to write.

During that two year period of house arrest, Paul produced four of the letters that you and I now read as vital, God-inspired Scripture: Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon.  These letters address situations, doctrinal beliefs, and practical Christian living in ways we don’t find in the rest of the New Testament.  Part of me wonders how different the letters would have been, or if Paul would have written the letters at all, if he had not been unfairly stuck in house arrest.  (Of course, God in His sovereignty would have found another time or author to communicate His truths…but it would not have been the same as what we have now)

All four letters reference his current “stuck” situation, but he says the most curious perspective-setting statement in his letter to the church in Philippi:

Philippians 1:12-13
Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually advanced the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard, and to everyone else, that my imprisonment is because I am in Christ.

Are you telling me…that Paul sees his experienced injustice – as a good thing?

He had been wronged.  The legal system was against him.  Those in power had not done the right thing when they had the chance.  And as a result of all this, he was stuck.

But in his stuck-ness, Caeser’s whole imperial guard has now heard the good news that Jesus gives eternal life to all who believe in Him for it.  The injustice put him in a position that actually advanced the gospel.  Others had hoped to hinder the good news from spreading, but God used the situation to actually do the opposite.

So, let’s go back to our earlier questions, now that we see from Paul’s example what God is capable of:

How would you feel when you experience injustice?
What do you do?

However, this is the main question we should be focusing on:
How will you make your unfair situation about advancing the gospel instead of only searching for a way out of it? 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Larry absolutely schooled me

When I was in high school, the place to hang out in our small desert town was simply known as “the Sports Complex”.  I honestly don’t remember if that was what its name really was…it’s just what we all called it.  The Sports Complex was way out on the north edge of town, but it was worth the drive to get there.  It had bowling, pool tables, a basketball court, and a tennis court.  We spent most of our time either shooting pool or playing pickup games of basketball.  Not that we were any good at either of them, mind you, but we had fun competing.

One day, there was only three of us to play basketball, so we could only shoot around.  Then an older guy we didn’t know asked if he could join in.  When I say “older”, I’m guessing he was in his mid-to-late 50s…and to us teenagers, he was definitely older.  He looked the part, too, with a head full of shaggy grey and white hair, about 5’7” with a thin frame.  His addition meant that we could play some 2-on-2, so we agreed.  My best friend and I paired up, while the older guy paired up with our other friend.

Now, keep in mind, that both my friends were taller and more physical than me, so it made sense that they would play the post, while Larry and I would play guard.  I settled in to play some defense and was immediately shocked at how quick Larry was.  His dribbling skills were much more sound than the level of competition our friend group had, and while he couldn’t outrun me, he kept me off balance and made great passes to set up his teammate.  He hustled on every play, with me chasing him around the court.  When I had the ball, his defense was tight, but me being the younger guy, I had a slight edge when it came to strength and speed…but my lack of ball skills kept me from making the best passes or consistently hitting shots when I had the open opportunity.  I did ok on offense, but Larry shredded my defensive attempts every time.  My best friend was visibly upset at how often I was getting beat, but there was nothing more I could have done to stop him.

After a few games, I went out to the food counter where the Sports Complex owner worked.  I was soaked in sweat and out of breath…I told him I needed to sit down for a minute and have a Gatorade.  He asked if I was alright, and I told him how I was getting absolutely smoked by Larry.  He chuckled and said, “Yeah, he does that to a lot of the young guys out here.”

I’ve come to realize that my encounter with Larry was a perfect illustration of a principle Solomon tried to teach his sons:

Proverbs 24:5
A wise warrior is better than a strong one,
and a man of knowledge than one of strength

Even though I had an advantage when it came to strength and speed, Larry’s wise use of his knowledge and skills easily defeated me.  But we can see that Solomon’s principle is applicable to more than just basketball, because he continues:

Proverbs 24:6
for you should wage war with sound guidance –
victory comes with many counselors.

Relying solely on our own skills actually hinders us, because it keeps our options and ideas limited to what we can come up with…instead, Solomon directs us to seek out many counselors and their sound guidance.  If we’re going to set out to “win” at anything…going at it alone is not recommended.  Doing so will guarantee that when you run into a “Larry” you will have no more answers than I did to his challenge.

If I had asked Larry for advice on how to guard him better, I’m certain that his response would have been “practice more, and then we’ll talk”.  But I also learned a valuable lesson that day – never judge an old guy’s skills just because he looks “old”.  Since then, I’ve encountered many wise warriors who may not have looked the part, but they were people with incredible strengths.  I was fortunate to have many of them speak sound guidance into my life.

Joe used to always tell me, “I’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to me, you won’t have to make them, too.”  He was absolutely right.  He helped me avoid many pitfalls that a young married father could have succumbed to.  Now that I’m a little older, I’m starting to say the same thing to younger folks, hoping to spare them, as well.

So, tell me, do you have wise counselors in your life?
Or, better yet, are you a wise counselor for others?

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite: Receiving personal instruction

I didn’t realize how unique the situation was at the time, but one of my favorite college experiences became a great lesson when studying the Bible.

Receiving personal instruction
Originally posted on June 19, 2015

In one of my year-long college courses, I was fortunate enough that the professor who taught the class had also written the text book.  This might not seem like a big deal from the outside looking in, but it made a huge difference in how we learned from him.  We knew that what he taught us in the morning was going to be reiterated in the same style and with the same emphasis as we read the text in the evening. 

Prof could easily explain how the different sections fit together and even cross-referenced chapters as we were being taught.  He knew the exact layout and intention of each part of the text because he was the one who had put it all together.  There was never any conflict between the teaching and the text – they were from the same man.  Not only was the text well-written for the subject matter, but the class became almost like a personal tutoring session with the author.

We get the same dynamic as we go through the Scriptures.  Although it took hundreds of years and many different authors to complete the text, God superintended the process such that it all hangs together as one, and communicates truth directly from the Creator of Everything to each of us individually.

The author of Psalm 119 did more than just acknowledged this reality of Scripture – he enjoyed it thoroughly.  Take a look through this section and note the role God’s Word plays in the author’s relationship with God.

Psalm 119:97-104
How I love Your teaching!  It is my meditation all day long.
Your command makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is always with me.
I have more insight than all my teachers because Your decrees are my meditation.
I understand more than the elders because I obey Your precepts.
I have kept my feet from every evil path to follow Your word.
I have not turned from Your judgments, for You Yourself have instructed me.
How sweet Your word is to my taste – sweeter than honey to my mouth.
I gain understanding from Your precepts; therefore I hate every false way.

The psalmist doesn’t distinguish between communicating with God and reading the Scriptures, they are interactions with the same person.  The psalmist gives the reason why he follows what God has taught him when he says for You Yourself have instructed me.  He trusted God’s teaching because it was coming from God Himself.  Nothing was second-hand, there was no need for an interpreter or any guess-work.

And just look at the results of this personal instruction from the Lord – success over enemies, gaining insight and wisdom, the ability to avoid every evil path, gaining understanding, and he can also recognize every false way.  The psalmist has become fully mature because his instruction has been taken directly from the Lord.

The Lord will mature and develop us as well.  He’s ready to give each of us personal, one-on-one instruction.  The teacher and the text are from the same person.  As much as the teaching or writing of others can sometimes help, there is nothing like direct communication and instruction from the Author of Life.  He knows how it all works and why it all works.  

We have an open invitation to be instructed by God Himself.  Will you accept the invitation and meet Him in the Scriptures?

Keep Pressing,
Ken

You first, not me first

A friend of mine pays careful attention to his diet.  So much so, that he inspects labels before purchasing items from a grocery store, and he also analyzes online menus when considering a restaurant for a date night with his wife.  What is he so diligently on the lookout for?  Wheat and gluten.  But not because he’s allergic or has any sensitivity to it.  In fact, he’s perfectly fine to eat a large bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. 

So why does he go through all that work, constantly monitoring what food is allowed in his house and asking pointed questions of restaurant staff about their kitchen protocols – when he doesn’t really need to?

He does these things because his wife has both Celiac and Crohn’s disease.  Accidently ingesting even a little bit of wheat or gluten would be devastating and extremely painful for her.  Of course, she is on a strict wheat-free and gluten-free diet.  So, in turn, is my friend.

He’s giving up a large portion of his food options in order to protect his wife.  He doesn’t have to, really.  He could tell her that she’s on her own for keeping “her food” separate from “his food” and then go on to eat all the pasta, pretzels, and cakes that he desires.  Instead, he has set aside his rights and preferences in order to meet her needs.  He’s a huge fan of Mexican food, especially flour tortilla burritos, so living the wheat-free and gluten-free life is an admirable sacrifice…but one that he believes is completely worth it because of whom he’s doing it for.

My friend is a great example of what it looks like to put someone else first – something we Christians are repeatedly called to do in Scripture.  Here’s just one example:

Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.  Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

It’s obvious to see how my friend is living out this command in his marriage.  He is considering her situation, a dietary syndrome that she has no control over, to be more important than his opportunity to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants.  It’s not just a one-time sacrifice for him, either – it’s every day, for the rest of their lives. 

This “you first, not me first” attitude can be applied in any area of our lives, and it can show up in both big and small ways – perhaps as simple as giving the TV clicker to someone else to choose the next show, asking for (and actively listening to) someone’s opinion or experience before sharing your own, or jumping in to regularly help at church or a local non-profit. 

OR…if you want to go for this “you first, not me first” lifestyle in a BIG TIME manner…resolve now to let other cars merge into your lane.  Even if they don’t deserve it.  Even if they are driving like a jerk.  Even if you really want to “teach them a lesson” by speeding up and not letting them in.

What we often don’t realize is that the “you first, not me first” actions – even when grudgingly done – carry more weight than just the benefit to the recipient.  Each time we put someone else’s needs before our own desires, we are rewiring our brains to take the focus off of ourselves.  This mindset takes practice and time to fully mature, but once it does…the mindset becomes the default guide for all our actions.

If you continue reading Paul’s letter to the believers in Philippi, you’ll find that this “you first, not me first” lifestyle is one that God honors and rewards.  Since God doesn’t take His offer of rewards lightly, neither should we.  To get there, all we need to do is take our focus off ourselves (whether the situation means adjusting our diets or letting people merge).  These are sacrifices worth making, all because of whom we’re doing it for.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Not like father, not like son

About 10 years ago, I was having a conversation with one of my sons about serving in the church.  He was clearly agitated as we talked, and he steadily became even more bothered as the conversation went on.  I had asked him a few times what was bothering him, and when he was finally able to wrap words around his anxious feelings, he blurted out, “I’m not going to be able to write like you!”

“I never said you had to.” I quickly retorted.  However, in that moment I realized…somewhere along the way and throughout the years, my son believed that my service example was “the best way” for any Christ-follower to serve.  Or, at least, he thought that the best way for a Clouser-kid to serve must be to follow exactly in his father’s footsteps.  Truthfully, I had made a conscious effort to not put that kind of pressure on him – however, given his outburst of a response, he must have been thinking and feeling that internal stress for some time.  

We can all relate to what he was feeling, though.  We all want to measure up to our parents’ example, and we easily self-flog when we feel that we’ve fallen short of their accomplishments and abilities. 

For this month, I’ve embarked on a Bible reading plan that takes me through all 150 Psalms and 31 chapters of Proverbs.  I’ve often followed the easy plan of reading a chapter of Proverbs that matches whatever day of the month it is – so I read Proverbs 1 on the first day, Proverbs 15 on the 15th day, etc.  However, adding in 5 or so Psalms per day along with the daily chapter of Proverbs felt like a worthy goal.  After about 10 days of this reading plan, I made an interesting observation, based on the authors for these Scriptures:

Psalms is a collection of five songbooks that ancient Israel used for worship.  A variety of authors contributed individual songs – or psalms – to the collection, but the vast majority of them were written by King David.  Based on the musical comments David left at the beginning of his psalms, we recognize that he wrote these songs all throughout his life.  There are psalms from when he was a shepherd, when he was running from Saul before he became king, psalms when he faced coup attempts, and psalms about the prosperity of the nation.  Writing songs that could be used for individual or corporate worship was an impressive skill that David had, developed, and used to serve God and help others do so, as well.

Proverbs is a collection of wisdom sayings and teachings that ancient Israel used for learning and instruction.  A variety of authors contributed their short, clear wisdom sayings – or proverbs – to the collection, but the vast majority of them were written by King Solomon…who was King David’s son and successor.  Solomon’s lifelong quest for wisdom and understanding can be seen throughout the books that he authored – Proverbs, Song of Solomon, and Ecclesiastes.  Recording his findings in a way that is both practical and memorable was an impressive skill that Solomon had, developed, and used to serve God and help others do so, as well.

Stylistically, Psalms and Proverbs couldn’t be any more different.  The psalms are dripping with raw emotion, often concerned with the immediacy of a conflict in the moment.  The proverbs take a clean, logical approach to situations and often focus on the big picture of a person’s life.  David and Solomon did not have the same expressive style and service skillsets.  When it came to communicating God’s truths and writing Scripture, the son was definitely not “a chip off the old block”.

Even though David and Solomon had different temperaments and communication styles, they still communicated the same truths from God.  Here is just one example:

Psalm 54:1-5
God, save me by Your name, and vindicate me by your might!
God, hear my prayer; listen to the words from my mouth.
For strangers rise up against me, and violent men intend to kill me.
They do not let God guide them.

God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.
He will repay my adversaries for their evil.
Because of Your faithfulness, annihilate them.

David is pulling no punches here.  He is not mincing words.  His feelings are perfectly clear – God, I want you to annihilate my enemies.  Don’t try and sugarcoat this wording.  David wants his enemies to be exterminated.  He probably wouldn’t mind seeing them suffer on the way out, either.

Now, compare David’s song with a couple of Solomon’s proverbs.  Don’t get caught up in the brevity of the proverbs – they are purposefully short and pithy.  Instead, recognize the similarity of truth in both passages:

Proverbs 11:6, 8-9
The righteousness of the upright rescues them,
but the treacherous are trapped by their own desires.

The righteous one is rescued from trouble;
in his place, the wicked one goes in.

With his mouth the ungodly destroys his neighbor,
but through knowledge the righteous are rescued.

Both David and Solomon recognize the conflict between those who follow God and those who do not.  Both David and Solomon acknowledge the verbal threats coming from their enemies.  Both David and Solomon recognize that God is the reason for their rescue.

This is but one example of father and son exploring the same topics with their differing skillsets.  There are plenty more comparisons that could be made between the psalms and the proverbs.  I’m thankful that both books are available to us, so we can reap the benefits of these different approaches that point us back to the same God.  Father and son didn’t have to serve the same way – in fact, it’s better for us that they didn’t.  Some of us find comfort in relating to the psalms, and some of us gravitate more towards the proverbs.

Nowadays, both my boys are serving God – in ways that I never did at their age and in settings that are different from each other.  They have skillsets that I don’t and they reach others that I can’t – and that’s a good thing.  I’m certain you can say the same thing, too, in the ways you serve others with the skills and abilities that God has given you.  Because ultimately, no matter how we serve, we’re all pointing people back to the same God.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

A parent’s biggest worry

If we surveyed 100 parents and asked them their biggest concern about their children becoming adults, I would expect that one of the top answers would be that the parent is uneasy about how their child will navigate life on their own.  Will they make wise choices?  Will they be so foolish that their lives are forever changed?

Underneath these worries about our children, us parents also have a few worries about ourselves: Was I a good enough role model?  If they mess up big, am I a failure as a parent?

When these thoughts arrive, we’ll often quote and cling to a famous proverb:

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.

While we can find some comfort from this verse, we must keep in mind that the proverbs are probabilities, not promises.  Children sometimes go astray.  They can – and do – make choices against a parent’s values. 

A significant example of this fear becoming reality is found in the life of King Joash of Judah.  When he was an infant, Joash was rescued from a murderous coup of his family’s rule.  He was raised by a foster-father, the priest Jehoiada.  Now, Jehoiada was a very godly man, who protected Joash and kept him hidden from the usurpers until he was seven years old.  When the time was right, Jehoiada led the charge against the usurpers, re-establishing Joash and his family to the throne.  Jehoiada led several reforms to bring the nation back to God and to life under God’s laws.  You can read this story in 2 Chronicles 22:10 – 23:21.

As king, Joash followed in his foster-father’s footsteps.  He did what was right in the Lord’s sight, and he personally led the massive project to repair the Lord’s temple.  However, when Jehoiada died at 130 years old…Joash went completely off the rails.  He listened to the wrong people, abandoned his relationship with the Lord, and began worshipping other gods.  The nation slipped further into corruption and wickedness, and although God was angry with them, He did reach out to King Joash:

2 Chronicles 24:19
Nevertheless, He sent them prophets to bring them back to the Lord; they admonished them, but the people would not listen.

After multiple prophets came and went, with no change of heart by King Joash or the people, there was one last appeal made – by Jehoiada’s son, Zechariah:

2 Chronicles 24:20-22
The Spirit of God enveloped Zechariah son of Jehoiada the priest.  He stood above the people and said to them, “This is what God says, ‘Why are you transgressing the Lord’s commands so that you do not prosper?  Because you have abandoned the Lord, He has abandoned you.’”

But they conspired against him and stoned him at the king’s command in the courtyard of the Lord’s temple.  King Joash didn’t remember the kindness that Zechariah’s father Jehoiada had extended to him, but killed his son.  While he was dying, he said, “May the Lord see and demand an account.”

Less than a year later, Joash lost a battle against a smaller army.  He suffered significant wounds, and his servants assassinated him.

What a tragic story!  Even Shakespeare couldn’t write a more catastrophic, heart-breaking tale. For King Joash to order the murder of his foster-brother, in the courtyard of the temple that he restored under Jehoiada’s support and guidance…the scene absolutely blows my mind and wrenches my heart.

With this story, we see the hard truth that our children are responsible for their life-choices.  Despite Jehoiada’s input and guidance, Joash still made his own choices. 

Does that make Jehoiada a failure as a parent?  No, it does not.  Within this tragic account, we also see the positive fruits of Jehoiada’s parenting and mentoring in his son Zechariah.  Both of Jehoiada’s boys chose their own path – one chose to walk away from God, the other chose to walk with Him.

Relationships take time and intentional effort to be happy and productive, and our relationship with God is no different.  Our faith in God (our willingness to trust Him) is like a muscle, and it needs to be exercised or else it will atrophy.  At some point, each of us must stop borrowing the faith of our parents or mentors, and then believe for ourselves.  Influence your children as you can while you’re still here, but also teach them to understand and exercise their own faith in God. 

Maybe that was Joash’s fatal flaw – that he never believed God on his own, instead he relied on Jehoiada to believe God for him.  But whatever it was that caused Joash to walk away, it was his choice – and not Jehoiada’s fault.

As difficult as it is – to let our adult children be fully responsible for their faith and how they live their lives – you and I expect to do that in our own life, apart from our parents.  Let’s give our adult children that same space and autonomy.  Our part will be to keep the lines of communication open, pray for them, and be a positive influence.  Doing these three things will go a long way towards bringing them back after they choose to wander away.

If you would like additional assistance, I would highly recommend the book Doing Life with your Adult Children by Jim Burns.  He expertly covers a wide-range of topics for this new stage of life.  In fact, if your child is in high school, I’d even recommend reading it now, so you can be better prepared for their upcoming transition to adulthood. 

Keep Pressing,
Ken

He was yelling, and I didn’t know why

A few years ago, I was driving down the center lane of a three-lane road in town.  Whenever I’m stopped at red lights, I often look around the area, just to see what’s going on.  Occasionally, I’ll sneak a peak at the other drivers, just to see who I’m traveling with.

At one particular red light, I looked to my left and the guy driving the car next to me immediately caught my eye.  He was alone, but he was forcefully spitting out words and tightly gripping the steering wheel.  His face was set on edge as he spoke, and his body was tense.  However, it didn’t appear that he was mad at anyone or another car in the vicinity.  He was definitely yelling, but what he was saying couldn’t be heard from where I was in my vehicle.

We were both heading the same direction in a mass of other vehicles, so it wasn’t all that difficult to stay near him for a block or two.  His behavior didn’t change, and I began to imagine different scenarios that would cause a person to behave this way.

My first thought was that he was on the phone and was chewing someone out.  That situation certainly fit his behavior.  And if that was the case, I feel bad for whoever was on the other end of that phone call!

But then I begin to think of other situations – maybe he was just singing along with some really angry music, perhaps he’s in a play and he was rehearsing lines for an unbearable character, or possibly he felt stuck in life and just needed to vent when he thought no one was looking or could hear.

The truth is, I had no idea what he was going through or why he was acting the way he was.  I was just another person in a different car that got a 30-second glance into his life.  And I don’t think I was getting his life’s highlight reel, either.

If I had simply gone with my first assumption – that he was angrily chewing someone out – I could imagine a whole backstory to judge him for the time I witnessed his actions.  If we then ended up at the same place, how would I treat him?  Or…how would I describe him to someone else?  “Hey.  You wouldn’t believe the crazy angry guy I saw driving today.  He was giving somebody the business, let me tell you!”

Beyond not assuming someone’s story or whatever battle they are internally fighting, the whole situation brought to mind something that Paul wrote to the believers in a town called Colossae:

Colossians 4:5-6
Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time.  Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.

Would it be wise of me to assume the guy next to me is an angry jerk that had no issue with chewing someone out?  Honestly, I didn’t have enough information to make that kind of assumption.

But if I never saw him again (and as far as I know, we’ve never met), what harm is there in making up backstories and then playing out those situations in my mind? 

The potential for harm wouldn’t be isolated to the guy who never noticed me observing him.  Instead, it’s bigger than that.  I’d be setting my mind on a negative path where I am morally superior to him, and I would be ready to gossip about him and my made-up story to others.  When I step back from doing so, it’s clear that this line of thinking is not making the most of the time I have.  Embellishing on a 30-second snippet of his life would not help my speech to always be gracious to the other people I would be talking to that day. 

Imagine again, that I snapped a 30-second video of his behavior and posted it for the world to see.  With my imagined-story framing, he could be insta-famous for just having a bad moment on a bad day.

So let’s be careful with what we imagine about others, especially if we have very little information to go on.  Making rash assumptions will prevent us from knowing how you should answer each person or handle each situation.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

No, God doesn’t think you’re a badass

Over the years, I’ve seen this meme make the rounds of social media multiple times:

God only gives us what we can handle.
Apparently, God thinks I’m a badass.

We might snicker at this (I did), but after reading it, it’s very easy to puff out our chests a little bit and think, “Yeah.  Look at all the crap I’ve dealt with.  God must think I’m pretty tough to handle going through this.”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is very self-centered – which is the total opposite of what is taught by God in the Scriptures.  Here are examples from both the Old Testament and New Testament:

Proverbs 16:18
Pride comes before destruction,
and an arrogant spirit before a fall.

James 4:6
But He gives greater grace.  Therefore He says:

God resists the proud
but gives grace to the humble.

So…this notion of “God only gives us what we can handle” must’ve come from somewhere, right?  Then where did people get the idea from?

Turns out that “God only gives us what we can handle” is based upon Scripture, from one of Paul’s letters to the believers in a town named Corinth…but it’s a verse that’s been twisted a bit.  Here’s the actual text:

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity.  But God is faithful; He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.

While you can see how “God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able…to bear” can morph into “God only gives you what you can handle” – it’s also pretty clear that Paul is not talking about all of life’s circumstances that come our way.  Paul’s only talking about the times that we are tempted to do the wrong thing…and God’s help in this will be to provide the way out (even if the way He provides isn’t a way we would prefer to go).

And lest you think that it’s ok to stretch this verse to include any/all of life’s circumstances…Paul’s own experiences warn us how that’s not accurate.  In a second letter he wrote to the believers in Corinth, Paul had this to tell them:

2 Corinthians 1:8
We don’t want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, of our affliction that took place in Asia.  We were completely overwhelmed – beyond our strength – so that we even despaired of life itself. 

That sounds like they got more affliction than they could handle.  Paul continued:

2 Corinthians 1:9
Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.

Paul recognized that if they puffed out their chests and relied on how tough they were, they were as good as dead.  Looking back, Paul sees that God allowed a completely overwhelming situation so that they would not trust in [themselves] but in God.  Because they humbled themselves, here’s the lesson they learned…and were later able to teach:

2 Corinthians 1:10-11
He has delivered us from such a terrible death, and He will deliver us.  We have put our hope in Him that He will deliver us again while you join in helping us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gift that came to us through the prayers of many.

Paul learned that their completely overwhelming circumstance not only brought his team closer to God, but it also provided an opportunity for others to see God in action as He answers prayers.  That is a great way to look at our suffering and trials and difficulties in life – they can drive us (and others) closer to God, but not if we attack them with a puffed up sense of self.

So no, God does not think you’re a badass.  In fact, He knows for certain that none of us are.  Life is going to beat us down, sometimes to the point where we despair of life itself.  But that doesn’t mean we’re abandoned…instead, we can be like Paul and not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.  If He can raise the dead – and He can – then He can handle getting us through whatever life throws our way.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I got a guy for that

It’s safe to say that the first “guy” in most people’s lives is their father.  If you have a question or a problem – especially if it’s a “How do I do this?” situation – you go to dad, expecting him to have the answer.  If, for whatever reason, dad’s not around, then sometimes mom or another guy will be able to help.  We’ll go searching all over the place for someone to help us.  Even to the internet.  

Perhaps that explains the immense popularity of the “Dad, how do I?” channel on YouTube.  Four years ago, a father started creating videos to help his adult children, and now he has almost 5 million followers.  He has videos on everything from how to tie a tie to explanations of power tools.  Many people comment that he’s the dad (and resource) they wish they had while growing up.

When you can’t do something for yourself…you need “a guy” (or “a gal”) who knows what they’re doing.  As we move through adulthood, we gather skills from our vocation or out of necessity – we learn to how to trim bushes or fix a dishwasher or build a retaining wall.  But we can’t learn to do everything.  Eventually, we need to hire out for some work.  There’s just not enough time to be our own electrician and a good plumber and build our own cabinets and know how to repair everything for our cars.

So, at some point…we need a guy.

If we don’t develop the skills ourselves, we will collect the names and contact info of those who have.

Need a plumber?  I got a guy for that.
Need  someone to take out a tree stump?  I got a guy for that.
Need a trustworthy mechanic?  I got a shop full of guys for that.
Need a new kitchen?  I don’t know a guy for that.

When I run into a situation where I don’t “know a guy” who can do what I need, what do I do?  I ask other guys I know.  Eventually, I’ll find someone else who has “got a guy” that can help me.

Making sure you “got a guy” for these kinds of physical life issues is perfectly normal, and so is seeking “a guy” out if I don’t have support in any physical area I need.  But…it’s much less common for us men to have “a guy” or seek out “a guy” when we’re feeling unsteady mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  Any recent study on loneliness bears this out.  Generally speaking, men don’t feel like they have many friends…or any friends at all, for that matter.

Outside of the transactional side of work (I do this job to help you, you do your job to help me) or your spouse, is there anyone actively present in your life that you can talk through your worries, questions, wins, fears, struggles, or dreams with?  If the loneliness studies are accurate, not many of us do.  And yet, we read this opening line to a psalm by David:

Psalm 133:1
How delightfully good when brothers live together in harmony!

It’s hard to have a delightfully good experience if we’re not connecting with others.  For several years now, I have been meeting every Thursday morning on a men’s Zoom call.  We also have a chat all 14 of us belong to, so we can stay in touch throughout the week.  With everyone’s busy schedules, it’s rare that more than half of us are on each Thursday, but we also schedule a monthly lunch for those of us that can make it.  The purpose of the group is to support each other, by either studying Scripture and finding ways to apply it to life or by talking about life events and then taking them back to God’s Word.  We’ve read through books and studied books of the Bible; discussed podcasts, articles, or current events; checked in with each other; asked for help on topics like parenting, porn, work, and anger; and generally provided a forum where guys can connect with other guys.  And yes, questions like “Does anyone got a guy who is a trustworthy mechanic?” do get asked – and at least one good option is often suggested by the group.

What we experience together matches up well with the directions Paul gave to the church in Thessalonica:

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
And we exhort you, brothers and sisters:
warn those who are idle,
comfort the discouraged,
help the weak,
be patient with everyone.
See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone,
but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.
Rejoice always,
pray constantly,
give thanks in everything;
for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Because I have brothers that do these things for me, and I for them, life has more delightfully good moments to it…and life’s hard parts are easier to cope with.  Because I know when I need support in the real issues of life – I got a guy for that.

If you have a group a guys like this, great!  Keep on keeping on. 

If you have just one guy like this in your life, that’s also great – but you both should be on the lookout for someone to include.  There are plenty of guys who need what you got.

And of course, ladies need to have “a gal” for these kinds of connections, too.  Y’all are just generally better at making them than us guys are.  Truth is, we all need these real connections.  Life really does become delightfully good with them.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Flashback Favorite: Watching with purpose

It’s far too easy to get distracted.

Watching with purpose
Originally posted on January 31, 2019

Back in the dark ages – before we all had our phones constantly in-hand – I had to pick up my wife and boys from the airport.  The three of them were returning home after visiting her parents for few weeks.  I knew the flight number and expected time of arrival, and so I parked the car and waited in baggage claim.  I was there early and with nothing to do – because nobody stared down at their phones back then – I decided to do some people-watching while I kept an eye out for them.

It doesn’t matter how eclectic your social circles are, when you’re at an airport, you will see all kinds of people you don’t normally run into.  However, one cannot simply “watch people” when they are “people-watching”; there is a certain level of discretion that has to be maintained.  The trick is to observe without others catching you doing what really amounts to some short-term staring.  Locking eyes with an observee can be awkward at the very least, and depending on the person (or their companion), being caught could lead to an uncomfortable scene in a public place.

Between the clothing chosen, the style of walk, and the expression on their faces, each person was making some sort of statement about who they were and what they were about.  There were fashion statements, financial statements, sports statements, political statements, attitude statements – a sweeping variety of stories were being told as I watched them all walk by me.  Some people treat the airport like a catwalk runway, others do their best to go unnoticed.  Some people obviously chose to wear too many clothes, but as this was summertime, many others decidedly wore too few.

As my eyes bounced from person to person and from story to story, I quickly became lost in this time-killing activity.  I hadn’t forgotten why I was at the airport, but watching for my family was no longer my primary task.  After some time, my situation dawned on me.  What would happen if my wife and kids found me and walked up before I even saw them?  Simply missing them because I was watching others would be embarrassing enough, but imagine the kind of reception if they walked up while I was distracted and observing someone who had chosen to wear as little as possible?

With that revelation, I quickly snapped back to the task at hand.  I wasn’t unaware of the other people around me, but my focus was now on what was most important to me.  A short time later, they came down the escalator and toward their baggage carousel.  I was greeted with hugs from my boys and a kiss from my wife – and I was thankful that I had made the right choice before it was too late.

We, as Christians, also have a return to watch for.  Jesus said He will be coming back, and He told many parables alluding to His future return.  However, by our reckoning, it has been many years since He said that, and there are many distractions in this life – fashion, finances, sports, politics, attitudes, and numerous others.  It’s easy to lose focus and start living selfishly. 

So let’s take a look at something Jesus said about His return:

Luke 12:43-46
Blessed is that servant whom the master finds doing his job when he comes.  Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.  But if that servant says in his heart, ‘My master is delaying his coming,’ and starts to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and get drunk, that servant’s master will come on a day he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know.  He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unfaithful.

While being afraid of getting “caught in the act” should not be our main motivation to avoid selfish behavior, there are certainly consequences to how we spend our time while we wait for Jesus’ promised return.  There are significant opportunities and honors available for those who continue to do the work God has given them; but there are equally dire punishments for the servants of God who neglect their responsibilities and abuse others.

Notice that the servant never forgot that His master was returning, but doing his job and watching for the master’s return was no longer his primary task.  He convinced himself that his master’s delay would continue, so he selfishly took advantage of those around him.  He probably believed he had plenty of time to clean up his mess before the master came back.  He couldn’t have been more wrong – and there wasn’t a chance for a do-over.

We certainly don’t want to end up like that!  We want to be like a soldier found at his post, faithfully trusting the promise of the one who said He would return.  But with all the distractions we face, how can we keep our focus?  Our best option is to take the Apostle John’s advice:

1 John 2:28
So now, little children, remain in Him so that when He appears we may have confidence and not be ashamed before Him at His coming.

When we intentionally spend time with Jesus, we remain in Him and keep His priorities.  Doing so means we will avoid the embarrassment and shame of the wicked servant.  Instead, Jesus’ return will be a joyful occasion, one where we can be confident that He will approve what we have been doing while we watch for His return.

Keep Pressing,
Ken