I'm not that grateful

Growing up in the church, I can remember hearing the phrase “Count your blessings” numerous times.  There was even a song in the hymnal with the same title that the congregation would occasionally sing.  The chorus lyrics were “Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings see what God has done.”

Throughout the years, I’ve heard various sermons on the importance of having an “Attitude of Gratitude”.  At least, I remember hearing the catchy little phrase in more than a handful of talks.  As texting and social media has grown from a novelty into an integrated part of our lives, we’ve shortened the phrase “Praise the Lord” to just “PTL” and we now add a “#Blessed” to our posts.

At any point along the way, if you had asked me if I was thankful or grateful, I would have likely responded with, “Of course I am!  Have you seen my family, my house, or my job?  They’re all good – nothing’s perfect mind you, but it’s better than how I grew up and it’s probably better than I deserve.”

But as for my day-to-day living and thought process?  I’m focused solely on getting the next task done.  Gotta get ready for work.  Gotta eat.  Gotta get the kids ready.  Gotta work.  Gotta run errands.  Gotta deal with people.  Gotta walk the dog.  Gotta do…Gotta do…Gotta do…

Managing the steps to getting stuff done takes up a different section of my headspace than when I am thinking about being grateful.  If you’re like me, I have to intentionally think about being grateful…and I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t spent much time there.  Sure, I’m surfacely aware that I have had many blessings in my life, but do I intentionally practice gratitude as a habit?  No, I don’t.

A simple online search of “science and gratitude” reveals a ton of research in this area.  Overwhelmingly, the results point to an improved life for those who actively engage in gratitude activities – gratitude letter writing (whether sent or not), gratitude journaling, thankful prayer, etc.  The improvements observed in all studies almost reads like a “too-good-to-be-true” list: better sleep, less anxiety and depression, better recovery from traumatic events, more positive high-energy moods, decreased risk of drug or alcohol abuse, decreased risk of bulimia, lessening materialism and increasing in generosity, lower stress hormones and inflammatory biomarkers. 

That’s just a handful of the benefits found across all age groups: children, teens, young adults, middle-aged, senior citizens.  It honestly doesn’t matter where you are in life, what has happened to you, or how good/bad your circumstances are currently – the science repeatedly shows that intentionally chosen, routine expression of gratitude has a massive, lasting impact on our lives. 

When we look at Scripture, we find that gratefulness and thankfulness are everywhere.  Depending on your translation, the words “thank”, “thankful”, “thanks”, or “grateful” show up about 150 times.  However, further inspection shows that gratefulness is found in more than just spotting the words.  Think about the yearly feasts and celebrations God prescribed to the Israelites – they were set up to produce annual rhythms of thankfulness and remembrance of how good God had been to the nation of Israel.

In just one example of gratitude from the New Testament, Paul tells the believers in Thessalonica:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Ever wonder what God’s will is for your life?  Apparently, it is to rejoice, pray, and give thanks.  Regardless of circumstances, moods, or the amount of pain we’re dealing with.

I’m also reminded of the first verses my mom had me memorize (from the NIV84 translation):

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

If we acknowledge Him, which would naturally include expressing gratitude, then God will illuminate our next steps in life. 

It’s times like these that I think our modern-day science is simply catching up with what God has asked us to do – what He has wired us to do – all along.  Expressing gratitude to God shifts the focus off of us and our situation.  It causes us to become more God-focused instead of spinning our wheels in Me-ville. 

In the days after (finally) discovering this principle, I have asked my wife “What 5 things are you grateful for today?”  And you know what?  Each time I have asked, that has been the start of the best conversation of my day.  When we share what we’re grateful for, we’re revealing what we are thinking about, and saying it out loud helps to both frame and affirm how blessed we are.

I intend to ask my wife this question every day, because I think it’ll be a good way for us to connect, communicate, and get all the benefits that science has discovered…and especially the ones that God promises as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

An unusual God-planned meeting

Not to get all mystical on you, but have you ever felt like God was prompting you to do something or say something to someone? 

Maybe it was obvious, to help someone right in front of you.  Perhaps it was just to be somewhere specific.  Either way, how did you respond?  Did you shrug it off, wondering if you’re a little crazy…or did you actually do it?

Let’s take a look at one time God planned a specific meeting for a specific person…but He needed to get someone else to a specific place in order for it to happen:

Acts 8:26-29
An angel of the Lord spoke to Philip: “Get up and go south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” (This is the desert road.)  So he got up and went.  There was an Ethiopian man, a eunuch and high official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who was in charge of her entire treasury.  He had come to worship in Jerusalem and was sitting in his chariot on his way home, reading the prophet Isaiah aloud.

The Spirit told Philip, “Go and join that chariot.”

This is now the second time we’ve seen God tell Philip to do something.  The first was just to go to a specific area, with no directions beyond that.  While the second direction was a bit more specific, notice that God didn’t tell Philip what to say or how to say it.  Because he acted in both cases, Philip must have recognized that it was God communicating with him.  Philip had such a close relationship with God that he could recognize these promptings.  However, the person Philip found in the chariot might have surprised him.  Not knowing exactly why God sent him here, Philip offers to help the man.

Acts 8:30-35
When Philip ran up to it, he heard him reading the prophet Isaiah, and said, “Do you understand what you’re reading?”

“How can I,” he said, “unless someone guides me?”  So he invited Philip to come up and sit wit him.  Now the Scripture passage he was reading was this:

He was led like a sheep to the slaughter,
and as a lamb is silent before its shearer,
so he does not open his mouth.
In his humiliation justice was denied him.
Who will describe his generation?
For his life is taken from the earth.

The eunuch said to Philip, “I ask you, who is the prophet saying this about – himself or someone else?”  Philip proceeded to tell him the good news about Jesus, beginning with that Scripture.

The eunuch believed in Jesus for eternal life and had Philip baptize him at the next body of water they came to.  At the end of this account, we read that the Ethiopian eunuch went on his way rejoicing (Acts 8:39).  We don’t see this man again in Scripture, so we can only guess at what happened when he got home.  I’m certain he told the story of meeting Philip.  A man in his position and influence would have been able to share his experience with many people and…who knows how far into Ethiopia (or even into Africa) the good news about Jesus was spread!  I look forward to hearing the rest of this story when I get to the other side of eternity.

But going back to the start of our story – meeting the Ethiopian man wasn’t part of Philip’s plan for the day.  Since God had to tell him to go to the desert road between Jerusalem and Gaza, it’s safe to say that location wasn’t on Philip’s agenda.  But God desired to reach out to this one man, and by following God’s promptings, Philip was able to partner with God in doing so.

An Ethiopian official worshiping in Jerusalem was not a typical sight – so there must have been others along the way that influenced him so that he was ready to believe in Jesus for eternal life when Philip presented the gospel.  I’m certain there were many people in the Ethiopian’s story that directly or indirectly fueled his curiosity about the one true God.

I hope your relationship with God is as close as Philip’s, so that you can recognize God’s urging in your life.  Maybe you’ll be the one to share the good news about Jesus with someone else.  Maybe you’ll be one of those who helps prepare them to hear the good news at a later time from someone else.  If you’re not sure if you’d recognize God’s promptings like Philip did, then the best way you can develop that is to spend time with God.  Scripture reading and prayer are the two best ways of getting to know God better, a third great way is to hang out with those that know God better than you do.  It's the same approach to getting to know another person – spend time with them and their friends. 

Get to know God better, and you’ll recognize the Holy Spirit’s promptings to meet others where they are.  Who knows whom you’ll meet and how you’ll be able to partner with God?  Well…God does (and that’s kind of the point).

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Prayers about money

A few years back, a survey was conducted of people about their money habits and plans for the future.  One particular question focused in how much more money the person thought they would need to live “comfortably”.  To the surprise of the researchers, a near-universal answer came from the respondents.  The same amount was the top response of those who annually made $20k, $40k, $60k, $80k, or $100k.  Their answer:

$10,000 more

There was no “magic salary” number that everyone aimed for.  The researchers expected to hear that “if I just made 80k (or 100k), I’d be alright”.  Instead, they found that, overall, people saw themselves “just a little bit short” of their desired level for comfort. 

Are you surprised?  I was, at first.  But when I stopped to think about it…my early career salary is different from my current salary by more than $10k, and if you had asked me the same question at any point in the years between, I probably would have given a similar “just a little bit more” answer.  No massive new salary number (I don’t want to be considered ‘greedy’…), but an extra $10k?  Sign me up!

But what happens when we get that “little bit more” and then a few years later a “little bit more” than that?  As we allow our lifestyle to expand with our income, each raise becomes the new normal for us to want “just a little bit more”.

So, what’s a Christian to do with this slow slide into never being satisfied with what we have?

Paul gave Timothy a warning we should all take to heart:

1 Timothy 6:6-10
But godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out.  If we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. 

But those who want to be rich fall into temptation, a trap, and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and by craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

We should certainly enjoy what God has given us, but if we love the gift more than the Giver…we’re playing with fire, and we’re going to get burned.  Don’t think that poor handling of money is an indication that we are not part of God’s family – it’s not – but if our focus is wanting to be rich we’re definitely wandering away from the life God intends us to live here and now.  That path is full of self-inflicted wounds and many griefs.

Ok…so we’ve been warned, but what should we do to guard against this?

There is a proverb-prayer example, offered by a man name Agar.  He has two requests for God, and his second request provides an antidote to our money temptations:

Proverbs 30:7-9
Two things I ask of you; don’t deny them to me before I die:

Keep falsehood and deceitful words far from me.

Give me neither poverty nor wealth; feed me with the food I need.

Otherwise, I might have too much and deny you saying, “Who is the Lord?”
or I might have nothing and steal, profaning the name of my God.

Have you ever prayed that God would restrict or restrain the amount of financial blessing He provides to you?  Would you honestly be able to pray something like this?

God please don’t give me too much, don’t provide so much that I begin to think that I am the root cause of my prosperity.  I also trust you to provide enough to meet my needs so that I will not be tempted to commit a crime just to have the basics covered.

Living in between the extremes of poverty and wealth creates a livable tension for us – we have our basic needs provided for and we still recognize God’s authority over it all.  As we handle this tension, God may bless us with more resources…or He may not. 

But humbly asking God to keep our salary in check focuses our mind on the Giver, not the gift.  And that kind of prayer will certainly keep us out of the “just a little bit more” trap.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

How to avoid mistakes

I am my own worst critic. 

I hate my mistakes.  I hate my mess ups.  I especially despise making them in front of other people. 

Even when I was a kid, I hated to practice my saxophone or acting script with others in the house…because I didn’t want anyone hearing the number of times I’d mess it up before finally figuring out the melody or how I wanted to say a memorized line. 

As a teen, I figured out how to stay in my lane with things that worked for me.  Doing so only allowed people to see my successes.  Combine that with avoiding the things you’re bad at, and suddenly everyone assumes that you’re good at everything.

As I became an adult, I didn’t get any better.  But when you become a husband and a father…there’s no hiding your mistakes anymore.  Because of the proximity of day-to-day living, my flaws were glaringly obvious to my wife and – despite my best efforts – they were also mirrored back to me by my young sons.

There were many options available for how I was going to deal with my inability to maintain a “perfect-looking” façade – I could use denial, I could use anger to deflect attention from my mistakes, I could double-down and work harder at not messing up, or I could avoid discussing them altogether.  None of these options are mutually exclusive either…I could mix and match to whatever situation I found myself in.

Fortunately, a better help came along.

His name was Joe.

Joe took me, a 25 year old husband/father/know-it-all, and mentored me.  He taught me how to study the Bible, how to read the meaning out of the text instead of putting my own thinking into the text.  He taught me how to teach.  He loved me.  He invested in me.  Through his efforts, “Old Joe” (as he often called himself) put his arm around my shoulders, telling me “This is how we do this.  This is how a Christian man lives for God, with eternity in mind.” 

He was very good at referencing the book of Proverbs, which focuses on wisdom, being skilled at living before God.  I’ll give you some examples of how he quoted them and also lived them out:

First example:

I’d see him at least every Sunday at church, and we’d be in touch frequently during the week.  We’d talk about work, family upbringing, frustrations, raising kids, loving a wife who struggles with bi-polar disorder, everything…including making mistakes.

Joe always told me: “I’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to me, you won’t have to make them, too.”  He was right…listening to him helped me either avoid messing up on something I wasn’t prepared for, or his advice was able to help me deal with my faults and move forward in a healthy, Godly manner.

Proverbs 19:20
Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.

Second example:

Most of the time I was happy to see him, but there were occasions where I dreaded speaking with him – because I knew I was struggling and I knew he was going to call me out.  I have to admit that his corrections were always kindly delivered, but I just didn’t always want to talk about my struggles.  I even avoided him a few Sundays…and when I eventually came back around, he was still there for me.

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

Third example:

He mentored me from my mid-twenties to my mid-thirties, but “Old Joe” was at the other end of the spectrum.  He didn’t have to share the lessons he’d learned over the years, but he wanted to invest in the next generation of disciples.  He had lived for God for many decades.  As such, he was skilled in wisdom and right-living…but it wasn’t something that he kept to himself.

Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a glorious crown; it is found in the ways of righteousness.

It’s been many years since I last saw him.  Due to health reasons, he and his wife had to move closer to family.  “Old Joe” went to heaven at the end of 2017, but his impact still echoes on this side of eternity.  You can read more about his influence on my life here.

I don’t have a full head of grey hair yet, but there’s more with each passing year.  I’m thankful for the years that God has allowed me to serve Him, and that He continues to teach me the ways of righteousness and right-living. 

A few weeks back, I even used Joe’s quote.  During a group discussion after church, I pointed to a friend of mine who is close to my age, turned to a young couple, and said: We’ve already made all the mistakes.  If you listen to us, you won’t have to make them, too. 

I hope they applied what we talked about.  I hope they’re able to avoid or manage mistakes better because of our example, and the example that was set for me by Joe.

I urge you to do the same.  If you’re wearing a crown of grey hair, then please invest in the young ones.  And if you’re a young one, find an older believer to help you walk with wisdom…and learn early how to avoid mistakes.

Keep Pressing
Ken

Our response to a broken world

There is no denying that we live in a broken world.  It feels like everywhere we turn, there are stories of war, pain, suffering, sickness, mental illnesses, physical injuries, natural disasters, and the list could go on and on.  In addition to our own daily experience, we know that there are other painful situations that we are vaguely aware of but have no direct connection with those situations.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed when we consider the sheer volume of pain in the world.  We can feel completely overpowered and paralyzed with our inability to fix it all.   To avoid the overwhelmed feelings, our path of least resistance is to “stay in our lane” and avoid anyone else’s pain.  We tend to compartmentalize the pain we know of and avoid the other pains we don’t want to know about.  Since we can’t mentally process all the world’s pain and suffering, we rationalize our efforts to avoid any pain in our own lives. 

“I’ll handle mine and God can handle the rest.”

But is that really our best response? 

Solomon addressed this topic when writing his portion of the book of Proverbs.  But before we look at what he wrote, we need to remember a few interpretive ground-rules:

·       The book of Proverbs was written before Jesus came to earth.  Before the cross.  Before the mystery of the church was revealed (Ephesians 1-2).  As such, we cannot expect this passage to be about how to obtain eternal life and avoid eternal death.

·       Proverbs are wisdom sayings that illuminate something that is proverbially true.  These are probabilities that are focused on skilled living on earth.

·       The law of sowing and reaping is prevalent throughout the book of Proverbs.  Sow bad deeds and receive punishment; or sow good deeds, and then reap rewards.  Essentially, “you reap what you sow”.

With that context, let’s see what Solomon had to say about our response to our broken world:

Proverbs 24:10
If you do nothing in a difficult time, your strength is limited.

There are many ways that we can be strong – strong physically, strong mentally, strong financially, strong skills, etc.  However, no matter what our God-given strengths are, if we do nothing in a difficult time, our strengths have little to no impact.  In hard times, not stepping in with our strength has the same outcome as if we didn’t have these strengths and abilities.

So what should we do instead?

Proverbs 24:11
Rescue those being taken off to death,
and save those stumbling toward slaughter.

Solomon isn’t talking about helping someone who is willfully throwing their life away.  He’s saying watch for those being taken off and carried away or those who are unknowingly stumbling toward a terrible outcome.  The homeless child, the teen with only social media role models, the immigrant who doesn’t understand our country’s culture and various social customs – these are examples of the people Solomon says we should watch for, with the aim to rescue them from unforeseen trouble.

Most of the time, we’re afraid to step into the uncertainty and uncomfortableness of these kinds of situations.  It’s so much easier to turn a blind eye – if we don’t make the effort, then we won’t know what’s really happening…and if we don’t know what’s really happening, then we can’t be held responsible for not doing anything…right?

Solomon disagrees:

Proverbs 24:12
If you say, “But we didn’t know about this,”
won’t He who weighs hearts consider it?
Won’t He who protects your life know?
Won’t He repay a person according to his work?

Since God weighs hearts (see 1 Samuel 16:7), He knows our true intentions as well as what amount of good we’re capable of doing if we put in the effort.  God is the one who protects your life and gives you your strength.  Can we honestly ask God for blessings if we’re unwilling to use what we already have to help protect the vulnerable?

I know that we can’t relieve all the world’s pain and suffering, but that’s not an excuse to avoid getting involved somewhere at some level.  What kind of impact would we have if we leveraged our strengths to rescue those who have no hope?  What would our actions tell the world about our God?  Use the strength you have to help where you can:

Are you financially strong?  Then give generously to organizations that rescue the vulnerable.
Are you physically strong?  Then help those who cannot help themselves.
Are you emotionally strong?  Then be a compassionate outlet to the lonely.
Are you mentally strong?  Then teach skills to those who can’t afford a tutor.

Times are difficult now.  If we do nothing, then our strength is limited and God’s gifts to us are wasted. 

However, if we sow using our God-given strengths, we can trust God will use our efforts and He will repay our work. 

We would be wise to weigh our own hearts in these matters – because God will be doing the same.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Taking out the trash

Recently, I saw a thought-provoking Facebook post shared by a friend:

When you throw the trash out, do you go outside later and check how it’s doing? No?
So stop talking to your ex.

Of course, for this to be true, the caveat is that there are no kids from that relationship.  But haven’t we all seen this behavior when a relationship ends poorly?  I knew a guy who struggled like that.  He was on-again-off-again with a girl and even when his friends were telling him to stay away, he’d reply telling us, “I know, but I can’t help but go back.”

In his mind, he was stuck.  He had hitched his wagon to this girl and was going to go wherever she would lead him – no matter how much pain, fighting, grief, and stress would come.  He may not have used this exact wording, but he really was enslaved to her.  He had done it to himself, and he saw no way out.

There is a proverb that goes along perfectly with his situation:

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit,
so also a fool repeats his foolishness

It’s easy to identify this cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior in others.  When you see them go back – yet again – it just boggles the mind.  As soon as a dog throws up, it immediately starts to lick up the vomit.  Similarly, without even thinking about it, a fool jumps right back into his foolishness.  And when that fool is your friend or a family member…you can feel pretty helpless.

If you are fortunate enough to have a good romantic relationship, it can be easy to get a little snooty about those who struggle in this manner.  But the truth is, Christians struggle with this same behavior…not always in an amorous sense, but the same self-destructive-enslaved behavior is often closer than we care to admit.  Ever “slip back into an old habit”?  Ever have a tough day and seek comfort in an old vice?  Ever get caught off-guard or become so embarrassed that you flame-spray whomever bumped you?  Ever get mad enough to threaten violence?

Paul addressed this struggle when he wrote to the believers in Rome.  Although he wrote to a group of people who were already saved and part of the local house churches, Paul took them through the entire scope of a believer’s experience: The failings of humanity (Romans 1:18-3:20), how one becomes right with God (Romans 3:21-5:11), and how to live the victorious Christian life (Romans 5:12-8:39).

It’s in the third section that Paul discusses how we can deal with the conflict inside us – between our new nature and our old nature, the Spirit of God in us vs. our physical fleshly bodies.  The first part to defeating the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior involves our mindset:

Romans 6:6-11
For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be rendered powerless so that we may no longer be enslaved to sin, since a person who has died is freed from sin.  Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him, because we know that Christ, having been raised from the dead, will not die again.  Death no longer rules over Him.

For the death He died, He died to sin once for all time; but the life He lives, He lives to God.  So, you too consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

When we believe in Jesus for eternal life, we are identified with Jesus and declared righteous before God.  As a result, Jesus is now our example.  Since we are identified with the once for all time death He died, Paul tells us to shift our thinking about our cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior.  He says to consider yourselves dead to sin.  Those old feelings, thoughts, habits, and vices have all been taken out with the trash.  Don’t go back out and check on them.  Instead consider yourselves…alive to God in Christ Jesus.

But practically speaking, our minds aren’t the only battle ground for this struggle.  Sometimes, we still want to be the way we were before.  It felt good (in the moment) and our body craves going back.  That’s why the second part to defeating the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior involves how we use our physical body:

Romans 6:12-13
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, so that you obey its desires.  And do not offer any parts of it to sin as weapons for unrighteousness.  But as those who are alive from the dead, offer yourselves to God, and all the parts of yourselves to God as weapons for righteousness.

Once we see ourselves clearly, it’s time to flip the script on how we use our bodies.  I don’t think Paul is being metaphorical here with this “body talk”.  Wherever you struggle, make that a point of emphasis to good things instead:

Has your tongue been used for gossip?  Now purposely be encouraging.
Have your hands been violent?  Find ways to help others. 
Were you sexually promiscuous?  Offer your body only to your spouse. 
Have your feet taken you to places that make you stumble?  Go to places that build you up.

Changing your mindset is not easy.  Physically doing these things is not easy, either.  It takes practice and sacrifice.  However, these changes do not go unnoticed by God.  Later on, Paul adds this:

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Renewing our minds and offering our bodies for good is pleasing to God.  And don’t miss what God gives in return – the ability to recognize the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

The good news is you don’t have to live trapped inside the cyclical self-destructive-enslaved behavior.  Jesus is our example for the way out.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I hate the Happy Birthday song

Is there anything more deflating at a birthday party than the actual singing of the Happy Birthday song? 

I don’t remember the last time I heard someone actually sing the song and sing it well.  Most of the time, “Happy Birthday” is performed as a group, completely off-key, with all the enthusiasm of a funeral dirge.  Go ahead and add your cha-cha-cha’s or silly second verse…but you won’t catch me singing along. 

But Ken…it’s TRADITION!
Well, sure…but that doesn’t mean it’s a GOOD tradition.

Before you call me too much of a party-pooper, here’s something that really takes the cake (…yes, pun intended): according to the CDC, singing “Happy Birthday” can be good for you.  Not because the song itself has any healthy, healing powers – but because the CDC wants you to wash your hands properly.

The CDC says you need to wash your hands with warm soapy water for at least 20 seconds.  Don’t want to count to 20?  Their suggestion is to sing “Happy Birthday”.  Twice.

For me, that’s just not going to happen.  I can barely tolerate the tune in its proper context, but to sing that song – TWICE – every time I wash my hands?  Nope, not happening.  Not a chance.

But if we’re going to make sure our hands are properly washed, we’ll need to come up with something better.  Here are a couple of suggestions:

Because I grew up in church, I’ve had multiple kids church songs burned into my brain.  One particular song was 1 John 4:7-8 set to music.  It takes about 25 seconds for me to sing through.  Now, I happened to learn it using the King James translation, so this is how it goes:

Beloved, let us love one another (love one another)
for love is of God, and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love (God is love)
Beloved, let us love one another. 1 John 4:7-8

Pretty good 25 second reminder that God is love, He loves us, and because of that, we should love each other.  If I remind myself of this every time I wash my hands, that’s several mental resets I’ve suddenly placed into my day – before I put my contacts in, when I use the restroom before my next meeting, when I wash my hands before a meal…when I sing this tune, God can use each one of those transition moments to reframe my thinking.

Don’t know a verse set to music?  No problem – just recite verses that you know.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
(repeat 3x to get the full 20 seconds)

John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but will have eternal life.  For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but that so the world may be saved through Him.
(repeat 2x to get the full 20 seconds)

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not give up.  Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.  For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.  So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(repeat 1x to get the full 20 seconds)

Maybe you don’t know these verses from memory in order to say them while you wash your hands.  No worries!  Just recite what you can, and do it several times.  Trust me, a few days of you washing your hands and you’ll be surprised at how many verses you suddenly have memorized!

Lastly, feel free to take 20 seconds and talk to God.  Use your handwashing as a reminder of when you believed in Jesus for eternal life, He washed you clean from the eternal penalty of your sin (John 3:16).  Remember that as a child of God, He forgives us and cleans us from all wrong-doing when we confess our sins to Him (1 John 1:7, 9).  Ask Him to help you speak kindly during your next meeting.  Thank Him for available soap and running water.

There are many ways to fill 20 seconds of hand washing that are infinitely better than singing a tune that few people actually like.  It all depends on what you choose to fill the time with.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Dealing with gossips and trash-talkers

A couple of years ago, I engaged in what I would call “short-term mentoring” with a young man who was fresh out of college and just starting out in his career field.  We’d meet for coffee or food a couple of times, primarily so we could work through what he was experiencing as a Christian making the shift from the education world to the business world.  For some topics, he knew the right next steps – but just needed to talk through them out loud or bounce his ideas off of someone else.  For other topics, when he felt stumped, I would share my advice and experience.

One particular struggle was with a coworker who routinely bad-mouthed their other co-workers.  Can you believe so-and-so did that?  Watch out for them, they’ll serve you up to the boss in a heartbeat.  And that guy over there – laziest jerk in the company.  In my experience, there is always at least one person like this in any corporate setting, and sometimes this kind of behavior is throughout entire departments. 

But my friend felt stuck.  He was the new guy and because of their roles in the company, he worked with this individual all the time.  There was no “escaping” or “avoiding” the frequent negative attitude and gossip.  He didn’t want to talk trash on his other co-workers (that he just met and barely knew)…but he didn’t feel like he could look at this person and bluntly say “Thou shalt not gossip.”  He didn’t want to sour the relationship with someone he was required to work with, but he also didn’t want the other co-workers to think that he was gossiping and talking trash about them.

While the Bible does talk about the dangers and difficulties of gossip, most of the time it simply acknowledges that it exists and warns of the trouble it causes.  You won’t find direction on how to stop others from doing it.  It seems that God is much more concerned with what you do with gossip instead of deputizing you to become the gossip police.

Solomon addressed gossipy situations many times in his collection of Proverbs, for example:

Proverbs 11:12
Whoever shows contempt for his neighbor lacks sense,
but a person with understanding keeps silent.

Proverbs 20:19
The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip;
avoid someone with a big mouth.

Proverbs 26:20
Without wood, fire goes out;
without a gossip, conflict dies down.

These proverbs give us three good options when we’re faced with someone who wants to spread rumors or talk trash: keep quiet, avoid the person, or don’t participate.

When I was talking through my friend’s situation at work, we agreed that the first two were not really options for him…since the person was someone he had to regularly work with.  So my advice focused on the last proverb’s point – that when his co-worker came to him with rumors or would bad-mouth their other co-workers, he did not have to accept the invitation to participate.  A couple of examples:

Hey, did you hear about so-and-so?  They got in trouble with the boss today…
I heard something happened, but I wasn’t involved.  If I need to be, I’m sure they’ll let me know.

Watch out, that lady will always stab you in the back.
I’ll keep that in mind, but that hasn’t been my experience with her.  Maybe she was having a bad day.

That guy is the laziest jerk in the department.  He never gets his reports done on time and his work is always sloppy.
Are you sure?  The last time I worked with him on a project, it went fine.

The main thing about these responses is that they do not pile on to what the gossiper was saying.  Maybe there is some truth to what they are complaining about, but “always” and “never” are rarely accurate labels.  It does no good to add fuel to the fire, and when we choose to not participate, conflict dies down.

The last point I made to my friend was that if he was able to consistently avoid gossip participation – if he politely refuted “always/never” or changed the subject to a relevant work matter – then eventually the person will stop bringing the gossip to him.  He’s no fun if he won’t gossip, too.  His consistency will be noticed by his other co-workers, as well.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

I've apologized, so now what?

I messed up at work this past week.  I behaved in a way that is very atypical for me – while I was leading an online team meeting, I forcefully corrected a coworker.  You know the type of “discussion” I’m talking about – the kind where an awkward pause hangs in the air and the meeting clunks along afterward.  While the message I delivered may have been necessary, there were three glaring things wrong with it – my tone was condescending, I’m not his manager, and it was done in a public forum (there were two other coworkers and our manager on the call as well). 

No matter how much I thought my message was needed and/or right for him to hear…it wasn’t for me to say – in that manner or in that place.  So I called him the next day, and let him tell me everything I did wrong, how it made him feel, and how I wasn’t his manager.  While I was able to explain my motivations, he (rightly) insisted that I didn’t have all the information to provide the kinds of comments that I did.  I apologized for overstepping my boundary of being a coworker and for doing so in a public setting.  We ended the call in a friendly manner, and both moved on with our day.  In the days since that conversation, I have separately apologized to our other coworkers who were on the call.  They, too, have accepted my apology.

While I don’t expect any lasting damage to our friendship or ability to work together, a little awkwardness is bound to hang around for a while.  How will the next meeting I lead be conducted?  If I speak forcefully about anything, even on topics or relationships outside our team, how will I be perceived?  It’s been said that it takes years to build a good reputation, but one moment has the power to destroy all those years of work.

I’ve apologized, so now what?

A few days ago, I was reading in Proverbs while eating breakfast.  I normally study from the CSB translation, but this time I happened to be reading from my old NIV 84.  Here’s what practically jumped out on the page:

Proverbs 16:6
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
through the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil.

My application was, and is, obvious.  Going forward, I cannot be preoccupied with how my teammates perceive me.  Instead, to re-solidify their trust in me, my focus will be to treat each of them in a loving manner and faithfully perform my responsibilities for my team – just as I have in the past.  To avoid making the same mistakes, I need to have an interest in and a healthy respect for the Lord’s instructions.

Don’t misunderstand me here.  I am not saying that I need to work harder to better behave myself.  I did not act poorly because I wasn’t trying hard enough.  Instead, I had forgotten who I am.  James warned us about this:

James 1:22-24
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

Don’t read that the wrong way, look back at the text…the word is the mirror that reveals what we look like, it shows us who we really are.  In James’ illustration, the mirror isn’t there to reveal our flaws – instead it shows us who we are in Christ!  It’s when we forget what [we] look like that we become hearers and not doers.

Since I have believed in Jesus for eternal life, I am forever a child of the King of the Universe.  As a member of the family, my identity is with Him.  I will be able to remember this as I look to His word to be reminded of who I am…and as I remember my identity, I will naturally treat my coworkers with love and faithfulness.

Because that is who I truly am.

Keep Pressing,
Ken

Fought over by two women

Only once have I ever been fought over by two women.  Well, “girls” would be more accurate.  Towards the end of my fourth or fifth grade year, a large group of us were at a friend’s house for a party.  For the start of one particular game, everyone had to make a big circle.  As I looked for a place to stand, the unthinkable happened – a girl that I knew, who I really liked said, “Hey Ken, come stand by me.”  Before I could process her invite, another girl who was on the other side of the circle and, unbeknownst to me, really liked me said, “No Ken, come stand by me.”

My young mind was spinning, because no girl had ever expressed interest in me before – and now there were two calling at the same time!  What happened next was as if the three of us were in a bad Nickelodeon tween show: each girl grabbed an arm, like I was the tug-of-war rope.  They see-sawed me back-and-forth for about 10 seconds, each insisting that I stand by them.  When they stopped, all eyes were on me to choose which one I was going to stand next to.  Ultimately, I chose the girl I believed was more attractive.

In the introduction to his collection of wisdom sayings, Solomon warned his son of a similar situation.  In his illustration, Solomon personifies Wisdom and Folly as two women calling out for his son’s attention.  What’s interesting is that both women use the exact same opening offer:

Proverbs 9:4-6
“Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!”
To the one who lacks sense, [Wisdom] says, “Come, eat my bread, and drink the wine I have mixed.  Leave inexperience behind, and you will live; pursue the way of understanding.”

Proverbs 9:16-17
“Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!”
To the one who lacks sense, [Folly] says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten secretly is tasty!”

Which one will Solomon’s son choose?  Both offer relationship, sustenance, and experience to those who answer their call.  In the moment, he can choose either Wisdom or Folly – and since their initial offers don’t differ very much, he may make the wrong choice.  Fortunately, Solomon provides some additional detail about these women, so his son can understand who is calling out for his attention, and where a relationship with either of them will end up:

Proverbs 9:10-11
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
For by me [Wisdom] your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

But for those who choose to dine at Folly’s house, there is a plot twist waiting for them:

Proverbs 9:18
But he doesn’t know that the departed spirits are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol [the grave].

This illustration closes out Solomon’s introduction to his proverbs, and his point is clear – Wisdom will extend your physical life, whereas Folly will shorten your days.  After looking at the offers made by Wisdom and Folly, it should come as no surprise that Solomon then chose the following as his first two proverbial sayings:

Proverbs 10:1-2
Solomon’s proverbs:
A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son, heartache to his mother.
Ill-gotten gains do not profit anyone, but righteousness rescues from death.

When both Wisdom and Folly call out, when they fight each other for the son’s attention, Solomon’s son may feel like he’s the tug-of-war rope between his two options.  Ultimately, however, he is going to choose the one he believes is more attractive.

Hopefully, he listens to Solomon’s advice.  Also hopefully, so do we.

Keep Pressing,
Ken